Reply to If you decided your husband was no longer "winner" material, would you divorce him?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If you decided your husband was no longer "winner" material, would you divorce him?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If he was turning out to be less successful professionally than you thought he would be (like not being partner material), would you consider divorce?   What if you were getting the impression that he was turning out to be more "beta" than "alpha" mail in professional or social situations?  [/quote]

My husband as been under or unemployed for the 7+ years I've known him. I knew he was "behind" professionally and financially when we met, but I thought he had potential. I'm not so sure anymore. The more time that goes by, the more resentful I feel towards him and myself -- that I made such a poor choice in a partner.

DH is a terrific father to our toddler, he does more than his share of household upkeep, and he's one of the best persons I know in terms of character, generosity, integrity, etc. but all of this is overshadowed when I feel chronically stressed from the pressure of being the primary breadwinner. For this reason, I am no longer attracted to DH. I don't want or need a man to take care of me; I want a partnership where we are realizing our financial goals and dreams (college fund for DC, golden retirement, house, etc) together.

I feel lonely, depressed, and bleak about my future. I have no one to talk to about this, so I post anonymously on DCUM.  :( [/quote]

I feel exactly like what you wrote about 70% of the time. The rest of the time I'm so thankful to have a kind, generous, loving husband and father of my children.  But that 70% feels pretty dark sometimes.[/quote]

Add me to this group, and I'm not getting divorced.  I married a man I thought was my equal and that we both wanted to work hard, pay off our student loans, and make a quiet life that minimized the rat race.  Fast forward to him being unemployed for more than half of our marriage and me working 70+ hour weeks to pay for everything and having maybe 30 minutes a day to sit down.  I pay for everything, and not because we agreed on it, but because he is always about to start looking for a job in "a couple of months."  He is a great guy - good, kind, patient - and a solid, present father.  He is an awful provider and an awful partner, though.  Whatever OP's intentions, know that it isn't always black and white - winners and losers. [/quote]

PP here (the first one). As selfish as this may sound...it's nice to here that I'm not alone![/quote]

Y'all don't need to work on your marriages. You need to work on your  materialism.  It's not your husband that is making you unhappy. It's your obsession with money and stuff.  Get to a therapist's office as soon as you can. [/quote]

I hope you're being snarky.  As on of the PP's on this thread, my "materialism" includes paying the minimum payment on my DH's student loans, paying our mortgage on a small home, and paying for food and clothes.  No vacations, no splurges, etc.  My entire income is gone from basic expenses and our savings are slowly being depleted.  Don't be another person who assumes the worst about people, as if the spouse is never actually the problem. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics