Reply to WWYD? We hate the name of our foster-to-adopt child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My adoptive mom changed my name. I like her choice but I would have liked to have my birth name as a middle name. It's just a more accurate representation of who I am. I have two moms and they both matter to me.

I also agree that having a name that is associated with a low socio-economic status could have terrible lifelong consequences. There are tons of studies showing the prejudice against certain names in employment and hiring. This is not just an identity issue. It's about whether or not she'll be prevented from getting a good job.

Because of this, I would absolutely change her first name. Make her first name her middle name. Agree with pps that the best way to do it is slowly. Start by calling her both names, then switch to just the single name when she hits school.

Also, however, agree with the pps that you need a serious attitude adjustment about her first mom. She clearly struggled with some powerful demons but that doesn't make her a terrible person and it's bad for you to convey that to your DD. Your DD won't love you any less if she's taught that her first mom was a good, but flawed, person. In fact, it will help her enormously. It's not good for her identity to think she comes from a crackwhore. [/quote]

OP here. Thank you. Foster-DD has both an atrocious first and middle name, so I guess we will give her a second middle name so she can choose to use that. I highly doubt we'll be talking much about her birth mother, but I will not lie - she was most certainly not a good person. To be honest, I am surprised at how many posters here think I would speak the same way in front of or to a 4 year old the same way I would to anonymous adults. Obviously I will not tell her "Your birth mommy was a crackwhore, and in the white trash world she lived in, it was trendy to give babies stripper names." She has zero memory of her birth mother. I will try to remember to update this thread after the adoption is final and let you know the name. [/quote]

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