Reply to Perspecitive from the mother of a very popular teenage boy or girl.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's fine to care about popularity -- you shouldn't want your kid to be left out. However, realize that there are different shades of popularity. Ultimately, I think HS is best/easiest for those who have a group of friends -- not huge but not just one other person either -- and an activity that they're committed to. Those kids always have people to hang with, people to go to events with, can call someone up when they're bored, and can party to the extent they want to -- maybe not the crazed frat party kind of partying, but they can invite 10-20 people over for a birthday and have a good time. Those kids generally seem more grounded and secure, as they know their friends don't like them because of their clothes or their relationship status.

The trickier road is for those who aspire to be truly "popular" -- part of the alpha group at their school, whether that consists of the athletes, the wealthy or whatever. It is a road that seems really glamorous as those are the kids with the best clothes/cars, always have boyfriends/girlfriends, are consistently on homecoming court etc. But the amount of drama that goes on is a time waster. In those kinds of groups friendships can be more fickle and can change in an instant -- so there's constant concern about how every little thing will be perceived; i.e. I have played flute since grade school and really want to try out for band but what will everyone say if I'm a band geek; or my bf just broke up with me -- I need another guy asap so everyone thinks it was a mutual break.

These are not the kinds of things that typically go hand in hand with top academics. [b]Sure there may be 1 kid that has it all and can do all of the preceding while still acing 7 AP classes, but for most that kind of drama takes time and effort and does detract from school. I had plenty of these kids that I grew up with (and in my public high school -- the varsity football guys and their girlfriends ruled the school). [/b]10-15 yrs after the fact many are still in our hometown, working for their dads' small businesses, and talking about their glory days.

If you're not happy with where you D is at (and tread lightly bc she IS happy) -- why not just encourage her to join an activity or two where she'll meet more kids? The time consuming activities tend to lead to tight groups of friends -- sports; newspaper/yearbook; band; youth group etc -- bc when you spend hours and hours with someone on a common endeavor, you may realize that you really like them as a person.[/quote]

Agree completely. Of all the adults I have ever known, only two has both an Ivy education and was a star athlete. He is also an alcoholic whose drifted from job to job, doe not get along with the family, wife left him, no kids. So not really a success story. But he has the charm and leadership and brains that allowed him to do those things. Personal and professional life, not that great.
The other was a star athlete at Ivy, academically top and "popular" with a wide variety of people. He committed suicide at age 38.
Everyone else it was one or the other: either a serious sports star, or shining academically, because both are very time consuming. Particularly on the college level.[/quote]

Figures your only two stories of successful people who had it together end in tragedy...yawn..

Well guess what, there ARE people how can hold it together and maintain that through adulthood! My brother being one! He graduated from the best university in this country (public) is a highly successful litigation attorney for a top firm, 2 girls, wife, the whole nine yards, happy well adjusted and successful. He was very popular in high school, got good grades, did some partying but nothing extreme and was a great role model. Beyond him I know of a few others just like him....so yes they do exist.[/quote]

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