Reply to Husband wants to move for job, I don't

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm the PP SoCal SAHM who hates the cold and moved away from my family.  We moved for DH's job, but btw his parents are here in VA, and his brother and family is in Boston and I'm sitting here at National airport right now as we're about to go visit them.  So it's a similar situation, just flipped.

I am very sympathetic to your resistance to move away from your family.  I totally get it.  And I get the big-time fear that if you moved, you'd never get back.  That was my #1 fear (besides the cold, that is.)

I do think that you can make a deal with your husband.  I didn't mention it in my previous post, but my DH and I have a 2 year deal here.  We are half a year in, now, and DH is committed to his deal.  No matter what great opportunity comes his way, we are going back.  We rented, not sold, our house in LA.  We are renting here.  I am fully confident that you will be coming home if you want to, and it will not strain your marriage to do so, if you agree up front with your DH.

I also forgot to mention that at the time, our kids were in the perfect school for them.  We had previously been at the wrong school, and had found the perfect fit.  And they had great friends with great parents--we were in the sweet spot--that was really hard, to leave that.  Socially I had finally found some great female friends and their husbands were friends with my DH.

I have met some friends here and stayed in touch with my friends back there.  The kids are doing better than fine because (yes my older one there was some tears, but she's adapted) and it's been really, really good for them.

I want to encourage you because of the following:  As I said, I'm a SAHM now, but before kids I was extremely ambitious in my career.  I met my DH in law school; we started out similarly situated.  And I remember being career-oriented, being ambitious, and also remember dumping a boyfriend who didn't understand why, for example, I couldn't keep our dinner date when my boss suddenly wanted something.  So anyways, I'm a very different person now, but I respect my DH's ambition--I get it.  And I believe that to stand in his way would, over time, have undercut our marriage.  It's just something to think about.  IF you make say, a 2 year deal like I did, I think you can have the best of it all.  And his appreciation and gratitude.  It had brought us closer together (and I didn't think that was possible; we're pretty tight).

Get a good credit card for miles (Starwood Amex or Chase Sapphire) and you can get your parents out there on miles.  Alaska Airlines just started service to San Diego.  And smartertravel.com can send your email airfare deals; it does not have to break the bank to get your parents to visit.

And San Diego is a fantastic, fantastic place to be a kid.  You can ski and go to the beach on the same day.  San Diego has the best weather of the mainland US.  Your kids will surf, boogie-board, paddle-board, everything.  And btw San Diego has some real brains out there--academic and business--it's not saturated with the entertainment culture of LA, not mis-managed like LA; and it's got serious companies out there, put there by very successful entrepreneurs who chose San Diego for the life.

And one final note--you grew up here and your family is here, and probably long-term friends, so the prospect of making new friends somewhere else might seem slim.  But transplants to DC know that it's a transplant city so there are always opportunities to make friends.  And like DC, there are a lot of transplants to San Diego so you won't have trouble.  I'm pretty socially shy and if I can do it, anyone can.

Anyways just want to encourage you to consider a real, short term situation.  I honestly can say that if I were facing the situation that you were, described as it is, I would be in exactly the intractable position that you find yourself in.  I can't imagine leaving my family and the place I grew up for ever.  But two years?  Suddenly it's hard, a sacrifice, a huge mental hurdle, but do-able.  [/quote]

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