Reply to Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?

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Reply to "Would you be upset if parent's inheritance went to your kids instead of you?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I think there are lots of issues going on.  First is if you are concerned about money and wanted to stay at home why are you paying 160K for the first of three kids to go to college?  There are state colleges, small privates listed as good bargains, scholarships, loans etc.  Second, why is daughter only to go to grandma for designer purses?  A long time ago there should have been a discussion about not overly spoiling the kids and how spending time with them and event/experiences with grandma is what you want for your kids. If you had that discussion and mom is trying to undermine you I would have an issue with that.  Third, you are living the lifestyle you can afford to live..  you shouldn't be dependent on an inheritance to live it.  My kids can pick any career they want in life but I feel very strongly they need to own those choices.  There is no I want to be an artist but my parents are paying for my rent in a really nice apartment in NYC post college.  Any inheritance should be an unexpected gift.  Fourth, why would friends and family be in your business to know what you may or may not have inherited from your mom and if she left money to your kids?  As I'm offering condolences to a friend I would never even think to ask if their parent left them money.  The only way that topic would come up is if you brought it up.

So to answer the initial question I would not be hurt if my parents left money to the kids.  I feel they raised me to support myself and at this point any money would be spent on the kids anyway.   I would be upset if they left it to them outright and not in a trust because I would feel it could undermine my parenting and I would worry about the judgement a 20 year old with unexpected money as far as what they would spend it on, guys they would attract, friendships that may form because of what they have etc.  The 20 year old me would make very different choices than the 30 year old me if given large sums of money.  You sound like you have a conflicted relationship with your mom. One thing I will say is you need to set your boundaries with your mom if she has been outright mean and nasty to you.  The thing I've learned is if you bend over backgrounds and let family treat you like dirt, it never changes, they don't respect you, and you don't respect yourself.  Don't look back and day but I took all this crap from her but she left all her money to her pet.  She can leave her money to whomever and you can't control that.  You can control how you allowed yourself to be treated and how you allow yourself to be manipulated with money.[/quote]

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