Reply to Husband plans going to a strip club but telling me he isn't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]16:25, DH went away for a long weekend while DS was one month old.  It was something planned long in advance and was a celebration welcoming home a friend from Afghanistan.  And when DH returned, he encouraged me to take nights off, go out with my friends, and when I felt able to, have a girls weekend.  Not every man doesn't understand the different dynamics of dad with a baby and mom with a baby.  I guess I just lucked out and found one that understood my feelings as well.

I think it is unfair to be mad at her husband because he has a guys weekend.  It is only unfair if her husband never let her have a girls weekend when she wanted to/was ready.  [/quote]

Well good for you, PP. But I dare say welcoming home a friend from war is far different than abandoning a woman with two babies at home while he goes to strip clubs, casinos and get drunk. Don't ya think? And then he lied about it, because he didn't want to deal with the aftermath. A toddler and a newborn are also far different than a 1 month old. Nowhere did I read her husband has returned the favor. I could be wrong....I'm sure she gets out for fun night with the girls all the time![/quote]
ic. 
Come on now....spare the drama.  He is the best man in a wedding!!!  Should he tell the groom (who I assume is family or close friend) that he is blowing him off because his wife does not like the activities or because his wife does not want him out of the house?  Sure, marriage and parenthood is an obligation that requires responsibility and communication.  It is NOT a prison sentence or supervised probation.  She should address the lying, but the abandonment theory is looney. [/quote]

Prison sentence? Check yourself on the drama... I think not. I assume he knew exactly what she was going to say and how she felt about it or he wouldn't have LIED. He knows well what they agreed upon. He claims he doesn't really want to go anyway, and says he will not. Then, tells his buddies to keep it on the down low. Yah, not shady at all. I never said he shouldn't leave the house or go away on trips, ect. But the situation at hand, is pathetic. His timing is impeccable. She is being left at home to play house, while he is out to "play". Plain and simple.[/quote]

You are doing what the OP is doing and mixing issues here.  I said that she should address the lying.  And if the strip club is objectionable, then she should address that to.  But the PP (I assume it is you) said that DH would be "abandoning" his wife by going to a bachelor's weekend for someone that he is the best man for.  Then you went on to mention 2 things that are not the "strip club" activities that the OP says she objects to.  I think that is dramatic.  He is not abandoning her.  [b]He is doing what best men do around wedding time - going to have a good time with the groom[/b].   In looking back, OP probably wishes that she had persuaded him not to be the guy's best man. 
[/quote]

I'm the PP you are responding to, and I agree with everything you said until the bolded. I think OP wants him to have a good time with his buddies. She made it clear the strip club shouldn't be part of it. Go to bars, casino, whatever. Why must he go there, if it means so much to her? That is one issue. And like you said, there are several issues at play here. Only OP knows which ones are objectionable. 
Sorry, in my eyes, leaving either spouse with a newborn (especially if she is recovering from birth) is abandoning her, if she asked him to stay to help out. 
a·ban·don  (-bndn)
tr.v. a·ban·doned, a·ban·don·ing, a·ban·dons 
1.  To withdraw one's support or help from, especially in spite of duty, allegiance, or responsibility.

[b]He is a parent now. Not a bachelor. It  is his duty to take care of his wife and child. It is not his duty to party like it's 1999[/b].[/quote]

PP here.  I see your point.  But I was making the assumption that this is a unique situation - he is a best man in a wedding and that does not happen often.  If he was hanging out with the boys every weekend or on a frequent routine basis, I would agree that he is abandoning her.  But a "once in a while" weekend based on the fact that he is the best man is not a deal breaker to me. [/quote]

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