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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again. I'm not making excuses. I realize the past is in the past. Someone asked how a smart woman ends up in this situation, what I wrote is the answer to that question. Also I have dealt with sexual assault and other mistreatment from men in the past. All things considered, I believe I am self aware and doing the best I can.[/quote]

OP, I could have written your 11:26 post. I was raised by parents who wanted me to be a nice, polite daughter who made them look like wonderful parents. They were good parents, but my mother in particular always cared about what other people thought. Without therapy, such an upbringing stays with you forever unless you recognize it. It's a well-intentioned but insidious type of upbringing. In their world, speaking up equaled hurting feelings, being unlady-like and rocking the boat a little too much for comfort. My mother also saw me as a difficult teenager. It was the first time I started to really express myself, often without a filter, but I had a lot bottled up from years of being told how to behave and think for their benefit. Other people's feelings always came first. It was the Christian way to be, I guess you could say. Yet it took me until age 30 to realize that I didn't have to leave a wonderful impression with every single person I met, including boyfriends who seemed like ok guys but weren't my type or weren't treating me as well as they should have. No, you can't blame your parents for your situation, as others have said, but you need to understand why you made the bad choices you made so you don't repeat this situation. After leaving home and becoming more self-aware, I finally learned to put myself first, something I never learned to do. Putting yourself first doesn't necessarily equal selfishness; it means self-preservation. And it's the women who understand this from early on who I believe fare best of all when it comes to finding good partners. They respect themselves and they in turn attract men who respect them. [/quote]

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