Reply to What makes a man abandon his child?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "What makes a man abandon his child?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, my mom left my dad when I was 8.  So different situation but as an adult, I did get some insight from my dad.

Before they split up, my family lived in (nice town A).  My dad went to work at (Big City B) which was too far away for a daily commute.  So Monday mornings he'd drive to work and then stay with his sister and her husband during the week, then come back home Friday.

This was a huge factor in the marriage breaking up because he just wasn't around, and this is before email/texting/facetime and when the phone was a nickel a minute so everyone was trying to keep the calls short.  Year after year, my parents were just living two separate lives and couldn't connect with each other.

As an adult, I asked him, why didn't he move my mom and us kids down to Big City B when he got that job?  He said, "I didn't want to disrupt the family."  So, in his mind, our school and friends were more important than his presence.  He clearly didn't comprehend that we all needed his time and attention and presence as a husband and dad, not just his pay stub.

That mentality was so much more prevalent back then.  I'm a little older than you but I do think it still applies.

When my mom left my dad, my dad tried to get her back--not by cajoling or wooing or offering a more integrated, better life--he tried to get her back by cutting off the money to her.  Ok he was an engineering-type so wasn't the best at understanding and predicting the relational consequences of that decision (i.e. that it would backfire) but again it illustrates "that mentality"--that gross underestimation about what is important in a family life.[/quote]

Aha! My dad's an engineer. Maybe that's the connection- signed op[/quote]

Yeah, that must be it.  :roll: [/quote]

Clear I was joking . Would you mind not posting again. Unless you have some valuable insight?[/quote]

F off. I come from a family of engineers. If you think that's "funny" you're a bigger idiot than first thought. [/quote]

First of all I'm OP and  if I can laugh at the absurdity you can too or just not respond[/quote]

OK. You're a bigger idiot than first thought. Good luck with your daddy issues.[/quote]
Troll begone[/quote]

Says someone asking the unanswerable question. Seriously. Get over it. I actually did post helpful advice upthread. Sorry I bothered.[/quote]

So why troll back? Liar. Just go away[/quote]

So easily proven. Loser.[/quote]

PP here but not OP and not troll.

OP.  Look at this subthread.  It's fascinating to me because it parallels your question in your original post.

Original post is about you not letting go of a really negative influence; a father who abandoned you.  Why did it happen specifically?  Why does it happen, generally?  You can't let it drop.

Troll above here is a microcosm of that: a small really negative influence. You can't let it drop either.

I think most people would agree that this troll would have stopped long ago had you let it drop, and that to "move on" and focus on the real issue at hand (your goal), you should have let it drop.

[b]Likewise, with respect to the larger issue of your dad, most of the (helpful) people on this thread are proposing you let it drop[/b] and focus on things (goals) that can make your life better.

In both situations you appear like a fish on a line, just gotta take that bite, even if you are being played.

So what I see in you, OP, is someone who is very persistent.  And that trait is fantastic if you can control and direct it--if you choose wisely where to be persistent and you can achieve many goals.  However; to do that requires mastery over your own trait of persistence.  If you don't control it--i.e. don't choose, and are just persistent with whatever lure appears before you, it can be really unfulfilling and time-wasting.  And it can attract the wrong kinds of people to you.

I want to encourage you to think about not taking bait because it's a time-waster and life is short, OP. 
[/quote]

You know you are right. I should drop trying to understand why my father never gave a shit about me. Thanks.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics