Reply to My husband destroyed my cell phone and I called the police

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, ignore the crazies on this forum, who are saying things were your fault or you should have known better, or whatever. You don't need to be filling your headspace with that right now.

Talk with your therapist and with a good friend or two. Make plans to separate, at the very least. Look into your options with a lawyer (financial, custodial, etc.).  Those are the concrete steps you can do to feel more in control right now. You are going to be ok. You are going to get through this and things will be so much better.

Good luck.[/quote]

No, things are not going to get better. At best, she is going to be a single mother with two small kinds and unhinged ex, worrying about their and her safety (much more so than before) and fighting court battles for considerable time.[/quote]

So the answer is to stay in a semi abusive relationship and model that behavior for her children?  And years down the line she'll wonder why her kids have messed up relationships.  [/quote]

I dont know what the answer is but to pretend that "getting out of an abusive relationship" is going to make everything better is not helpful, either. But on the other hand, OP will always have the satisfaction of knowing she fought for that trip with her girlfriends till the bitter end.[/quote]

That's just not nice, why would you write that? It is not at all about this trip with her girlfriends. If it was not this it would have been something else. OP say that this behavior has continued over the years with escalating events. 
Getting out the relationship is not going to make everything perfect, but it will be better. And actually do you have a personal experience with similar situation or being a single parent to so authoritatively talk about this?[/quote]

No, it wouldnt have been something else because OP's relationship with her girlfriends (whom, I am sure, she considers much superior company to her husband, as they probably went to some "elite" HS or something) is one of the major triggers for his anger episodes. She knew this, yet insisted on some weird arrangement that would be over the top for most of the rest of us whose husbands have no issues with our friends.[/quote]

Listen, it seems like you have never been in similar situation. Maybe you are just really happy in your marriage- you should enjoy that. But just be more cautious when you give advice about situations you have not been in.

The OP clearly said that:
1) her husband and her specifically discussed this in advance and made a special trip for their own anniversary
2) she decided to shorten her trip, even though her friends will stay for longer, to be home with her family
3) her husband was invited too but they made the decision for him to stay as for both of them to be away will be too hard for the kids.
4) after having 2 kids so close in age, I would need a few days out to relax. Goodness, for the last 3 years the OP has taken care of only babies and toddlers!

Maybe it is her fault for not hiring help for her husband while she is away or for not calling a relative to help. But for her husband to try to separate her from her friends and showing his anger this way is not normal.I would agree that it is classic abusive behavior.

It is very sad when you see people that have studied and worked so much on themselves to succeed and yet by chance end up a relationship like this. The way out is to seek help and to take some kind of action. Just thinking about it and not sharing it with people does not resolve the problem and brings on depression.

I congratulate the OP for having the courage to call the police and to clearly recognize this as not normal and potentially harmful for her and her family.[/quote]

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