Reply to Starting to Think My DW is Unemployable

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, gosh, I am right there with you.  I am in the same boat, except it is my DH.  He already had anger problems and verbal/emotional abuse problems before being unemployed.  They started about 5-6 years ago.  Not sure exactly why, except for a lot of stressors in our lives, and he must have been prone to it and that is what brought it out.  The nasty, sarcastic, demeaning, snide remarks and attitude are just too much (not to mention yelling/getting mad over any little benign thing).  Anyway, it got worse since he has been unemployed for 10 months now.  We've been trying to work on it some, and have made some baby steps, then backsliding, etc.  Unemployment is about to run out for him, and we can't live on what I make.  So we are really stressed.  I think he feels soooo bad about himself, he is completely miserable - and I am the scapegoat he takes it out on.  I try to be supportive and not make him feel bad or like it is his fault.  I do also notice some sabotaging behaviors though.  I tend to say nothing about those, or just very gently try to help.  That usually sets him off since he is super sensitive about anything like that (even reading meanings into something I say and losing it).

Today was the kicker.  He was already mad about something, I did not realize how mad (he said he was okay and I believed him).  I said that we needed to try to get back into our reflective listening that we learned from the counselor, because we both have been ignoring that.  I said I need it because I am starting to believe the mean things he says, but when we communicate better, I understand better, we do better, and the counselor had said it is a necessity for us.   I referred to the sign on he frig that we have there to remind us to do reflective listening (from a while ago).  He yelled "Oh yeah?  Well you can go wipe your ass with that piece of paper."  That is just an example of the many mean things I heard today.  Then I get irate and lose it and scream, and he points fingers at me saying "you're out of control!"  Really?  While I take full responsibility for my anger even when provoked, he acts like he can't figure out why I am all of a sudden so upset!

Sorry to go off on our deal.  I just know what you are saying.  Hope that helps.  I just keep thinking that if he just got a job this would get better, or I could see how he is at that point.  Does she like anything other than her career?  Maybe she could start a petsitting/dogwalking business, if she likes animals.  Just something to earn some money, and build some self confidence back, and get her mind off the whole thing.  I often think if my DH could just work at something for a bit that he likes and would give him the reassurance that he CAN get a job, that would help.  Try to hang in there.[/quote]

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