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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So OP - are you convinced?  Or are you like my MIL who insists that she's right on everything even if everyone around her disagrees?[/quote]

DH and I are still hurt. If everyone is saying though, that this is proper then it must be so. For us, to give $1500 is a lot. Also please keep in mind that [b]we are spending a lot more than that on passports, outfits, our other child, flights, hotels, etc[/b]. This is not simply pulling out the dress I wear to each local wedding and spending one weekend day attending festivities. [/quote]

Everyone attending the wedding, including the bride's parents who are also paying for the wedding, are also incurring this expense.  It's not unique to you (I'm the PP who spent nearly $6K on my brother's wedding).

I am sorry you're hurt, but please for everyone's sake including the good of the long-term relationships, accept that you are incorrect here and let it go.[/quote]

I understand that everyone is incurring the costs to go to the wedding of course. My point in mentioning the expenses of flights, hotel, etc., is that in our budget that is something we have to plan for. I've never attended a "destination wedding" before. All the weddings we have been to have been local, or at least no more than 4 hours driving. If it wasn't our son who was getting married, we would have just RSVP'd that we wouldn't be able to attend. We gave them $1500 because that is what we can afford to give. It doesn't matter how much the wedding costs or whether they choose the most expensive or least expensive flowers, etc. We can't give more than we can afford. Our daughter told us she doesn't think she's getting married and that we could roll her wedding fund over to her brother, but we never had a wedding fund for her to begin with. If you have never had to scrimp, save, and budget, then you have no idea how stressful it feels to spend as much as we are on this wedding. The children are not having a rehearsal dinner. Just a dinner for the two immediate families, and the next night a welcome dinner for everyone, including the rabbi. Of course they are free to use the $1500 towards whatever event works best for them. We gave as much as we could comfortably afford. [/quote]

[quote]DH and I are still hurt. If everyone is saying though, that this is proper then it must be so. For us, to give $1500 is a lot. Also please keep in mind that we are spending a lot more than that on passports, outfits, our other child, flights, hotels, etc. This is not simply pulling out the dress I wear to each local wedding and spending one weekend day attending festivities.[/quote]

Op, not to jump on you, but I'm really having a hard time understanding why you are hurt.  basically, your son wanted to elope, you asked him not to.  They complied and decided on a destination wedding.  You offered what you could, which is very little, but will attend as a guest.  And you're hurt that you aren't listed as hosts on the wedding?  Can you see where that is difficult for us to grasp?  Are you more embarrassed than hurt, maybe?  Maybe embarrassed that your friends will know that you aren't hosting your son's wedding?  I'm not being snarky here, I'm really trying to help you disect your feelings and try to figure out where you are coming from - hopefully to help you mend this with your DIL before it gets out of control.

The more I think of it, the more I'm thinking you're just embarrassed that you can't help out more and can't host.  And that you really didn't think it through when you asked your son to have a traditional wedding - maybe you just assumed it would be a small, modest affair that you'd be able to help with?   
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