Reply to S/O Why can’t moms just chill and be nice?

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Reply to "S/O Why can’t moms just chill and be nice?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not everyone is nice. They just aren't.

If you have a pattern of being the victim of bullies, it might make sense to look into why. You might need to improve your social skills. [/quote]

Wow.

The only time I went through this stuff as an adult was at a specific company where I worked. It was horrific. I didn't even get the worse of it, another woman did. But no. It was those people, in a setting which allowed and implicitly encouraged it.

I think social skills can help with kids and teens--I was both shy and anxious and bullied. But most of the actual bullying was between 7th and 9th grade. Later I was more just isolated (although I did stay active in extracurriculars, Girl Scouts, church youth activities, so I had kind of a life, and I made one good friend my last couple years of h.s.).

Don't make being bullied the fault of the people who are mistreated. [/quote]

People love to punch down - as evidenced by this thread. I’d be willing to bet that a lot of these posters insisting bullying doesn’t happen and is just a mental production of people who are insecure/paranoid are themselves bullies. [/quote]

I read those posts and wish they would get a taste of this behavior they are so in denial of. Then I remember, for most of my life I would have also been dismissive of those comments. I think beyond not experiencing it, I wanted to feel like we were collectively above that lowly behavior. Then I experienced it so maybe it was something karmic and with maturity, I am not so doubting of the dilemmas and complaints of other people's experiences. Maybe I didnt want it to be true but I was fooling myself.[/quote]

No one is denying that some women do this some of the time. We are saying that this behavior isn’t unique to women and it isn’t universal or even particularly commonplace. [/quote]

And yet these threads pop up on here quite frequently and always get tons of traction. Perhaps it is more common than you realize.

Also it's unclear to me why it has to be universal or even commonplace to be problematic or worth talking about? There are lots of interpersonal issues I've never experienced myself and that I know are fare from universal, but if someone told me they had experienced it, my reaction would be to empathize. Like I've never had a stalker and none of my exes would ever do that. But if a friend told me she was being stalked by an ex, I'd listen to her and care about her situation. And if she said something like "why do men do this?" I wouldn't jump in to #notallmen her, because it's already implied. Of course all men don't stalk ex girlfriends. Of course not all women are judgmental and mean. But some are, and it sucks, and it seems worthwhile to discuss it when there are several women on this thread alone who have experienced something similar to OP. Who are you to tell them their experience wasn't what they thought it was?[/quote]

That’s quite a straw man. No one is saying that this topic of off-limits. But I suggest you reread the comments in this thread because quite a few characterize this behavior as typical for women. At least a few imply or state explicitly something along the lines of “this is how women are.” THAT is what I’m objecting to.

Bullying is wrong and the behavior that OP describes is crappy. She is entitled to discuss this in an open forum. But I wont accept the lie that this kind of behavior is common for women or that female relationships are always/often characterized by this kind of passive aggression.[/quote]
DP
There are more comments saying women who claim bullying are mentally ill/confused/mistaken/have trouble with social skills/craving sympathy/are reacting to being simply left out/starved for attention/women haters,,,

Literally nobody said all women are bullies though some said they are way more like this than men and people pushed back on that[/quote]

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