Reply to Don’t know how Thanksgiving isn’t happening

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you don't want to host, you get to control that. You don't get to control deciding someone else will host.

If you want to get together, then suggest that everyone meet up a week after their Thanksgiving plans to catch up at a restaurant. [/quote]

+1 if my mom or MIL don’t host the holidays (esp Thanksgiving because it involves a lot of cooking), then we won’t be spending it with them! No way I’m hosting it at my home. I am busy enough already.[/quote]

So OP is right it is pay to play?[/quote]

In many cases yes. Most young working parents who get maybe 2-3 weeks leave/year (half of which is eaten up by kids being sick, school closures etc)  don’t want to use up their precious remaining leave cleaning and cooking to host grandparents for a holiday meal and can’t afford to cater or take everyone out to a restaurant.[/quote]

Some people just can't be pleased. They don't want to host or be hosted.[/quote]

Correction: they don’t want to host you, and they don’t want to be hosted by you. [/quote]

Generally it's polite to reciprocate hosting. But manners are rare here.[/quote]

Reciprocation is only called for by etiquette where the social relationship is truly an equal one with no power imbalance. The demands of self centered domineering matriarchs are not conducive to reciprocity.  Extending an invitation to the OP would be perceived by her as implying that they want to continue hosting her, or continue having her host them.  They don't.  [/quote]

+100 this. The effort of a retired couple hosting in their home, which requires families with young kids to schlep to them and cram into not enough guest quarters is not the same effort expended by the younger family hosting ILs who can simply drive or fly a few hours, managing one themselves, and then manage only themselves in a guest quarters.

Retiree hosts have all the time in the world to plan, shop, buy and cook and clean ahead. Working adults have to fit that all in with work, school, kids, activities, etc.

These two scenarios are not the same. [/quote]

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