Reply to Let's be the stress of caring for your elderly Boomer parents!!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ugh my boomer mom completely refuses to plan for her current situation.  She bought a huge house 45 minutes from a mid-tier city that’s 2 flights away from anywhere and it’s high in the mountains with a nightmare driveway.  She has already missed doctor’s appointments because the roads between her and actual civilization were too dangerous to drive and delivery companies/uber refuse to come down the driveway, but she insists that it’s an excellent place to age-in-place because it’s ranch style!  All one level!

She moved there 7 years ago with my now-dead stepdad.  He was a nice man and a good husband but he has now been dead longer than they knew each other and she refuses to consider moving anywhere because “this is the house they chose together.”

When asked about the reality that she will need more help, she says her church will do it, which is probably true for a short-term, low-maintenance thing.  But when we point out that she will eventually need either live-in help (in her precious home?  Never!) or to move to a facility (worst case scenario.  Absolutely never!) or to live close enough to one of us that we can come be her daily help (why don’t you move here?  If you won’t move me into your own home then what help can you provide anyway?) she stonewalls a bit then starts crying and says she’d rather just slit her wrists than live like that.

I am so worried that she will have a bad fall or illness requiring major surgery and end up in a hospital who will only release her to a nursing home and she will be stuck in her worst case scenario anyway.

I am begging her to buy a vacation condo or house near me (she has plenty of money) that she could airbnb sometimes and come stay in a month or two a year.  Then she could start to build community here and if she needs additional help it would be easier to convince her to move here more permanently but the only thing she really wants is to live with my brother except she hates his wife and they live overseas and she is afraid of brown people.[/quote]

So she wants what’s impossible, right?
Ask her to come live with you (without following through on it of course) and see if she finds an excuse not to.

I think some people are so stubborn that they actually prefer to go in a terrible fashion but not give up their lifestyle. In case of my mother it was mental illness (hoarding), some people are just stubborn and not ill except probably cognitive decline. 
I’ve left my mother to her own devices after she declared my brother the enemy of the people when he tried to help her in a pretty dire situation and dared to misplace some of her precious hoard.

I suggest you stop worrying about your mother, who isn’t thinking of you or trying to make your life easier. She clearly knows what she wants and what she doesn’t want. Let her have it. [/quote]

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