Reply to Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m a woman and honestly, women’s sexuality is so nuanced and complex there’s really no one single thing that turns me on.

If I’m stressed and overwhelmed, nothing at all will turn me on. I need you to step in and help without needing a long list of instructions, give me a massage afterwards, and the next day I’ll be turned on.

But then I dated a guy like that, and while he was great, he physically wasn’t my type and I couldn’t get turned on no matter how hard I tried.

Then I dated a guy who could step up and who was smoking hot, but he was a dud in bed so I stopped getting turned on.

Then, you have to be sexy, but without being too forwardly sexual. If a guy I start dating gets sexual too soon, it’s a turn off. But if he’s never sexy, I lose interest. It’s a very fine line.

But now I’m hooking up with a guy who isn’t conventionally attractive, doesn’t help me (because he’s a hookup so I’m keeping him very separate from my personal life), but sexually he does exactly what I want all the time so I am massively turned on by him.

And then it varies from man to man. One guy can be super dominant in bed and it’ll drive me wild. Another guy will be sweet and caring in bed and it’ll also drive me wild because it fits our connection; if he tried to be dominant I would be turned off. Then sometimes it’s weird, like current hookup guy is so sweet, shy, reserved, and just adorable in everyday life but is a total daddy in bed.

So basically it’s all over the place. If I could find someone hot who can read my mind, that’d be great.

The good news is when it does align, I am insanely high drive and can’t get enough, and will do literally anything. [/quote]

ITA. no wonder men are frustrated by us! [/quote]

PP. Ha! I’m sure it’s frustrating, but on the other hand, I think a lot of women have been culturally indoctrinated to repress their sexuality because we’re supposed to be “good girls”. It wasn’t until my late 30s that I even considered exploring what I enjoy sexually, rather than always defaulting to what the man wanted (and what men want, usually based off of what they see in p0rn, isn’t great sex for most women). So in a way I feel like they brought it on themselves, because they want a woman who isn’t too sexual yet can somehow turn it on by conscious choice. That’s not realistic.

And the positive side is I think sex can be WAY better for women than it is for men. Multiple Os, longer Os, multiple rounds, etc. That’s just part of being more cerebral when it comes to sex; yes it’s harder to get turned on, but when you are, it’s soooo good.

And if men want someone who can have sex like a man, there’s an easy solution: have sex with men!

Also why it’s so important to communicate and for men to create an environment where women feel comfortable communicating what they want. I’ve had boyfriends who would flat out tell me no when I made requests, or would do the bare minimum and make it obvious they wanted to jump right into the PIV so they could get off. If you’re a bad lover, you can’t be that shocked women aren’t turned on by you. [/quote]

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