Reply to Grandmother’s Funeral Same Time as Promotion

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Will DD see family that she rarely sees since they live far away?  I kinda think a grandma would rather she go on the 8th grade trip!  Tough one.  No real wrong or right.[/quote]
In spite of the usual dcum bandwagon vitriol, I agree with this. There is no right or wrong.

[b]Funerals are very much for the living, and the ex isn't holding up his end of the bargain to be supported by a 14 year old.
[/b]
OTOH, if DF was close to grandmother, she may regret not going.

OToOH, these promotion ceremonies and trips are often foundational memories. Hard to miss this time and you can never get it back.

OTfOH...the point pp made about the ex holding it over you is one to consider.

You are not a terrible parent. You are trying to balance a tricky situation.

If it were me, I would not send her unless she wants to go. I hated my GM but went to her funeral to support my mom because we were incredibly close. DD seems like she barely has a father.

If I were the dead one, I would not want my grandchild missing out too mourn at a funeral, not when she could celebrate my life and death in other ways. [/quote]
This

OP here

If ex and his family were active in the children's (yes, more than one) lives, they would be at the grandmother's funeral, no questions asked.  As the children have gotten older, he has been seen less and less, other than what has been put in the child custody agreement.  I have no clue what grandma's relationship was like after we divorced.

He has not shown up for any child-related event that does not fall within his time (one weekend per month, every other holiday, one month in the summer).  That is why I parallel parent, tired of informing him of events he chooses not to attend.  I originally asked him to take custody every weekend, and he claimed that it was too difficult due to living 25 minutes away.

At the end of the day, if I am a terrible parent, so be it.  I did appreciate that this will probably be held over my head (which is true) if I don't allow it, so at the end of the day, they will be in attendance.

I will wait until high school graduation day (which he probably won't attend, unless it is held on his weekend).[/quote]

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