Reply to Is HE the AH?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]You guys are really passionate about policing the speech of people in the privacy of their own home. You can’t control whether someone “goes with the flow” exactly the way you want them to or not. And over the minutia of other people’s lives, too! Who wants to live that way?[/quote]

[quote]People who want to keep having sex live this way. They don’t constantly pick fights with their spouse.[/quote]

Wut.

Do you have to "go with the flow" to have a sexual relationship with your spouse? Do they have to go with the flow to have one with you?

You can disagree with your spouse on issues and still have a relationship with them. And disagreeing should not be taken as picking a fight.

[/quote]

Yes.  You have to just go with it on little stuff.  
If my husband wants to start drinking tea instead of coffee and thinks the new Fallout game looks cool and is glad that he got out of work early and thinks his boss should write clearer emails and [b]thinks his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded like fun[/b], then I listen and agree and ask pertinent questions.

If he thinks our 16 year old is ready to take the highway to get to school, and I think he isn’t driving safely and needs more practice, then I will speak up.

[/quote]
But if in this casual conversation, as a part of normal give-and-take, you made a comment that you don’t think his friend’s whitewater rafting trip sounded all that fun. Does that make you an a-hole? Should you *have* to just shut up and keep your dumb thoughts to yourself? Wouldn’t you think it unreasonable for your husband to say nothing but silently stew and think you were an a-hole off of one comment in a meaningless conversation like that? Why wouldn’t you presume good intent and clarify if necessary?

Do unto others as you would want done to yourself.[/quote]

Like if he is just telling me about something fun his friend did, and I had never thought about it, but start shitting on it just to be a contrarian and keep the conversation interesting?  Yes.  That would make me a difficult person to be in a relationship with.

Or if I had a belief that any kind of adventure activity was stupid and dangerous, and I expressed it?  I don’t think that would make me an a-hole, but I think it would make me an anxious person, and it would probably weigh into the discussion about our 16 year old driving on the highway.

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