Reply to My niece lives with us and recently got engaged — navigating changing family dynamics.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I fail to see what a lawyer would want with an uneducated, jobless, homeless 20 year old.

Who is paying for this wedding she's planning since she has no parental support and no job to save money from? I sure as heck would NOT be supportive of my son doing seven years of school to support this freeloader. That's what she is. [/quote]

You fail to see that a professional would want a supportive spouse who can manage the home? My cousin is a partner in a law-firm and her husband did all these things-cook, clean, manage kids, and support her emotionally. Do you think he's a failure? Is it OK because he has a college degree?[/quote]

It's ok because he is doing a lot of work and has adult skills. Managing a household is totally different from cooking now and then. Raising kids is totally different from fantasizing about raising kids but actually doing a small amount of babysitting.[/quote]
So because she doesn’t work, that means she has no life skills? If she’s able to cook and clean now, why wouldn’t she be able to do it later? If she can babysit kids now, why wouldn’t she be able to take her if her own kids. All of this is really simple, and if she knows all of this now, then why wouldn’t she be capable later?[/quote]

Because being responsible for all aspects of a child's upbringing and development is different from keeping a child safe and happy for a few hours here and there. Sure, she could figure it out, but parenting is not simple in the big picture and what she is doing now is not parenting. [/quote]
Okay. She’ll figure it out, just like plenty of other parents do. Honestly, I notice a lot of bias and hatred toward this girl specifically. I think some women here are uncomfortable because they want to believe their husbands chose them for being smart, educated, and professional, so seeing an uneducated young girl land a future lawyer makes them angry because it reveals a truth they don’t want to admit: a lot of men do not actually care that much about women’s careers or brains, and women can still find good partners by staying home.[/quote]

You don't think it's weird that she'd rather be homeless than get a job?

Men who do not care about women's careers or brains still want someone who doesn't have crippling anxiety or pathological laziness or whatever it is that's causing this girl to spend several years of her life doing very, very little. They want someone who's capable and motivated and will pass on good genes and raise children well. This girl *thinks* she'll be a good SAHM, but I am skeptical of that because she's clearly got some sort of problem and is failing right now to develop the life skills she will need to be a good SAHM.[/quote]
I mean, I don’t know her personally, so I can’t speak to why she doesn’t want a job. And you keep moving the goalposts. If she knows how to cook and clean, she’ll probably be fine. Parenting is nit rocket science. Graduating college with a communications degree, will not make you a better mother. Many parents around the world are successful, and uneducated. Plenty of people choose not to work for all kinds of reasons — it doesn’t automatically mean they’re lazy or have mental health issues. Maybe she always wanted to be a SAHW or SAHM, and that’s perfectly valid.
[/quote]

It's not because she wants to be a SAHW/M. It's because she would ***rather be homeless than get even a part-time job***.  That is what's strange about this!

And it's also weird that a law student would be okay with a wife who acts this way. [/quote]

I actually kind of wonder if there isn't an underlying undiagnosed issue, like ADHD.[/quote]

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