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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having seen via my extended family how damaging estrangement can be, I’m of the opinion that you should only cut off close family members in cases of real abuse (not, they hurt my feelings)/for safety reasons. But this is an unpopular opinion on DCUM.

Almost any relationship has some strife at some point. It’s actually not normal for relationships and life to be stress-free, completely comfortable all the time, etc. So other strategies like setting boundaries, continuing the relationship on your own terms, reducing but not eliminating contact are almost always better than cutting someone out of your life completely. [/quote]

The damage you may see if people who suddenly have to deal with their own mental illness instead of unloading on someone else. They needed that child/sibling to play a role and be mocked/gossiped about/chastised/manipulated and now they have to deal with eachother and themselves. My question to you is, how is the person who decided to distance? Why don't you care about that person's wellbeing? How are you defining "real abuse?" Is that only physical and sexual abuse for you? Were you inside the home 24-7 and observing interactions? What makes you think you are in a position to judge whether there was abuse? [/quote]

I’m sick of people pretending to know as a child or teen wtf was actually going on with their parents marriage or with parenting. Teens don’t pay attention to that stuff. And adolescents and children don’t remember squat about that.

We all know the neglectful absentee father who wafted into the house after work, ignored everyone, and then played pretend Family Guy at public social events.

Do we really know what our working or stay at home mothers went through?  Was it even age appropriate to know?   We were such great, obedient tweens and teens that we deem getting yelled at or disciplined as “abuse.”?  Did we have 2-6 hours on iPhone or computer screens a day surfing the web or on social media to F us up more?

Focus people, focus. Be the best person you can be. For your kids for sure, but maybe even show your parents you’re better than them. In a nice way. [/quote]

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