Reply to How close to someone do you have to be to go to the funeral of their parent?

Forum Index » Off-Topic

Reply to "How close to someone do you have to be to go to the funeral of their parent?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Few things demonstrate the breakdown of society better than this thread. Honestly, the fact that so many people apparently don't attend funerals unless they are related to the deceased or have received a personal message from a grieving friend begging them is another symptom of the pervasive loneliness and disconnection of 21st century life.

Personal invitations are not extended to death rituals. The reason for that is not to place any additional burden on grieving family members.

When funeral/memorial service info is published online or in the paper, that IS the invitation. If it's not published, or if an obituary states that services or burial are private, than that is the queue that general attendees are not wanted. It's very common for the memorial or funeral service to be public and the graveside portion to be private (just close family).

If their has been a public announcement of funeral/service information, it's not necessary to ask anyone if it's alright if you attend. In fact, it's a little strange to do so. And it's even stranger to ask if someone *wants* you to attend, because many people will say out of politeness that they don't want to inconvenience you. That kind of question is often asked by people who want permission to get out of something, and so people respond with that in mind. It's kind of a crappy thing to ask someone IMO.

There's a sense of distaste in some of the posts on this thread that some people want "a crowd" at a funeral.  But it's very common to want to feel like your loved one was important and will be missed.  Of course not everyone wants this/feels that way, but it's not strange or shameful or obnoxious if someone does. It's quite normal. One of the worst, most disorienting things about grief can be the feeling that you are alone with it, while the world carries on without noticing. It can be very comforting to feel like the loss was noticed and observed.

At least one PP said with distaste the some friends announce funeral info on social media. But in the absence of local papers (which nobody apparently reads anymore anyway), how should someone place a notification of death? In the past, people usually read the local paper and scanned the death notices. Now that vehicle of communication has disappeared. But people haven't changed. Death rituals still play an important role.

If you're asking the question, "should I go to the funeral?" the answer is probably yes, unless you have a specific reason to think your presence might be upsetting (e.g., you're estranged from the loved ones of the deceased, you're an old girlfriend and the wife hates you, etc).[/quote]

I also think these reactions are so odd. It's very normal after a friend tells you about a loved one's death to find out the info online because as you say, it's really not on the grieving person to disseminate the info and invite people. It's all about being caring and wanting to show up, but nowadays it is almost as if being caring is seen as negative and needy? Making people feel weird or wrong for this is a big part of why adult friendships are so hard because we end up second-guessing the most normal, positive and loving instincts.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics