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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So my daughter’s favorite schools were Yale and Stanford, though even those weren’t perfect in her eyes. She really didn’t like Cornell, Northwestern, Dartmouth, or Vanderbilt for a bunch of different reasons. She did like UVA and Duke (kind of), but didn’t get into those either.

What’s been hardest is getting waitlisted at Harvard, Yale, and UPenn—it hurts a lot because it feels like[b] she *could* have gotten in, just got unlucky[/b]. So now she’s taking it as that she’s a stupid failure, even though that’s not really fair. -OP
[/quote]

Clearly, she was qualified for ALL the schools she applied to. Yes, she "could" have gotten in to any of them!

But she's interpreting her results wrong.

The fact that she wa waitlisted at those schools means that she was in the Top 10% of applicants. That's wonderful and an achievement in itself.

But to be clear, she wasn't "unlucky". Those schools waitlisted her because - for whatever reason - they were looking for something slightly different than her this year.

True, this is not something she could know in advance or control. But it's not in any way about "luck". It's about whether or not she was enough of a match to be top 4% (or whatever their acceptance rate was) at a particular school.

The T20 schools are not all the same. They're reviewing the same pool of applicants. But they're each looking for something slightly different on the margins any given year.

Here's the hard truth to share with her:

(1) SHE got to control the first half of the process - which schools to apply to, her own qualifications (GPA, test scores, ECs) and how she handled her applications, including all the supplements she wrote. And she did a truly GREAT job given the overall results!

(2) The SCHOOLS then control the second half of the process - which applicants to choose and why. Period.

The powerlessness that comes with that second part can be very hard for high-achieving kids to accept. But it's true.

Not being chosen by a particular school is a disappointment. But it's not a failure.

This is just a mismatch in how they view each other. She ranked them in her top 5% of schools (top choices) but they ranked her in their top 10% (WL). The same is true in the opposite direction. She will turn down all but one of those schools that chose her (admitted her). She liked them enough to apply to them. But not enough to choose them. It was close, but ultimately a mismatch.

Of course, she's disappointed. She can feel awful AND at the same time move forward by choosing 2-3 schools to consider more carefully and choose between.

She controls the criteria she uses. Whatever she wants! Go strictly by USNWR rankings? Ok. Choose among the Ivy League options? Ok. Financial considerations, if any? Ok. Distance from home? Ok.

You both know these are all excellent choices. She needs to move forward with a few - and then one - while also feeling and processing her (understandable) disappointment.

Good luck.[/quote]

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