Reply to I hate hosting families with 3 or more kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The exert control theme in the single and two kid dynamic is palpable even from these posts; there is “chaos” from your viewpoints on the other side of two.  That control is the difference/the line.  Those of us on the other side think our kids benefit from the lack of our need to control them/the situation/other kids running around our house.  [/quote]

The control issue is only related to misbehaving kids. I virtually never feel I need to "control" my kids because they are well behaved in most contexts. If for some reason one of them was out of control, we'd leave the premises, as that would be a sign that something was wrong. I would not just sit there while my child screamed or ran around knocking things over or jumped on furniture at someone else's home. I'd say "I'm so sorry, clearly this is not the day for this" and I'd collect my kids and go.

What many of the parents of 3 or more in this thread have said is that children screaming and running and jumping on things is simply what children do, and that other people need to accept this when they welcome kids into their home. I would like to suggest that their perception is skewed, and that most kids don't behave this way in other people's homes. Mine definitely don't. All without me controlling them -- they just know that's rude, and that while running around and yelling is fine on a playground or in a backyard, it's not appropriate in someone else's living room or during their seder meal.

Also, teaching kids manners and how different behavior is required in different settings is not about controlling your kids. It's actually about giving them the information and skills they need to be independent. Teaching my kids to behave well in other people's homes has resulted in me being able to send them to other people's homes without me all the time. Parenting them well is allowing me to relinquish control and watch them mature and expand their horizons beyond my home and my control.[/quote]

I agree with everything you said but I don’t think it’s a function of family size. It’s a function of good parenting.

I work at a Title 1 elementary school. Some kids are WILD. There’s no correlation to family size but there is a huge correlation to parental involvement. And I hate to perpetuate gendered stereotypes but there is a marked difference in elementary school boys’ behavior versus girls. [/quote]

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