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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Enjoy the process, people. And encourage your kids to do the same.

College admissions is unpredictable - especially for schools that are highly selective (rejective).

Targets are called “targets” and not “safeties” for  reason. Same for reach schools. An 18% acceptance rate seems promising compared to a 7% acceptance rate … but it’s not actually high. There’s a TON of rejection and disappointment baked in to the process.

It’s called “assuming the risk” of disappointment - and it’s part of life, for kids and adults, alike. This is a CHOICE. And to me, experiencing it first-hand is part of the “point” of the process.

For a teen to learn that they can always control their part (how high to aim, how much time and effort to invest along the way) but not the outcome is a HUGE learning opportunity. Sometimes all the effort pays off (achieving their goal) sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes, in retrospect, we realize it wasn’t worth the effort after all - either because it didn’t pay off or because it didn’t actually matter that much to us in the end (the “good enough” outcome turned out to be plenty good.)

When it comes to college admissions, we need to be clear with our kids - hard work and sacrifice do not guarantee admission to highly selective (rejective) schools. If all that leads to the type of achievement colleges value, yes, it increases the odds! But there’s just no certainty to be had. And certainly no entitlement - no matter how hard a kid works and how much they’ve achieved. The odds are not in favor of acceptance.

To me, this is the point: Understanding a situation, being intentional about which risks to take, experiencing and surviving disappointment, reflecting and learning from it, and finally, moving forward with an open mind and positive outlook.

Embrace the process and do what you can to learn and grow along the way. [/quote]

You are right but...

Many educated parents are already aware of this. Unfortunately knowing it is one thing but explaining why is another. There is unfairness. It discourages people from even trying and leaves them feeling bitter. If you have a talented or really smart child, it’s difficult to accept that someone else can gain an advantage simply because of money or cheating. That kind of system sends the wrong message. It’s especially frustrating for families who follow the rules, yet see others succeed through backdoor opportunities.[/quote]

I'm the PP.  It's actually not hard at all for us - or for our "talented" and "really smart child" - to explain and accept this without bitterness.

For context, DC was deferred from their first-choice T10 school, is in at a couple of targets, and is waiting to hear from 6 more reaches. They have all the stats you could possibly have (highest rigor, perfect GPA, 1580 SAT) AND at this point in the process, they are 100% mentally prepared to go to one of their two targets. Why? Because those are what the odds say.

[b]As for your post, I'm struck by how much you've chosen to focus on "unfairness," "cheating," "someone else gain[ing] advantage," and "backdoor opportunities." No wonder you're left "feeling bitter"!![/b]

Seriously, I don't get it. If my highly-qualified DC doesn't get in to their reach schools, it won't be because the world is unfair or becuase everyone else is cheating. It's would be because there's a ridiculous amount of talent out there and a very limited number of spots. Again, the numbers are what they are.

Thankfully, DC has a similarly glass-half-full mindset. They work hard, enjoy their friends and their ECs, and don't spend time worrying about how everyone else is living their lives. This is one of many reasons I'm confident they'll flourish wherever they land, both in college and beyond. 
[/quote]

I understand that—maybe social media plays a role.

Have you seen the movie “Try Harder”? One line from it really stuck with me:
“I feel like I worked so hard, only to end up at a school I could’ve gotten into without trying nearly as much.”[/quote]

Of course. It happens ALL THE TIME in life.

We work incredibly hard and make tons of sacrifices to go after something we want, but then it doesn’t work out the way we hoped. Like all the late nights, weekends, missed vacations etc. - only to not get the promotion or raise … or to not make partner etc. Could have worked far less for the same result.

There are no crystal balls in life. And no guarantees that doing the right things gets you the hoped for results.

Sadly, I have more than a few friends who’ve gotten got cancer in their late 40s and 50s - even though they ate healthy, exercised regularly, never smoked, rarely drank, and had no genetic markers.

It’s normal to feel disappointed. It’s not normal to blame others, which is what the PP seemed to be doing with all their cheating/back door bitterness stuff. [/quote]

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