Reply to Tension with Wife's Family over Finances

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You sound like a baby. Figure out your boundaries and communicate them.
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He has and FIL has pushed back. FIL wants it done his way.

I think the difference is that OP's grandfather established an attitude of noblesse oblige in his family, which has become firmly rooted in the family. FIL was clearly a blue collar guy, no doubt struggled, then made it big. That sort of person rarely overcomes the mindset of need in their lifetime. He also wants his children to have the same "hunger" for success, making them work for it. OP is pushing his ways on his FIL as much as FIL is pushing his ways on OP. They see life through a different lens.

OP needs to be strong enough to say, No, we can't afford the vacation and stick to that. In fact, OP, is your wife an only child? If not, how does FIL treat his other kids who might not have the kind of money you do? If he is paying for them to go on vacations, then that is bad. But if he doesn't pay for any of them, then that's his right and he is not justified in being upset if people don't go. Easier said than done, I get it, especially since DW probably wants to go.

Regardless, OP, you married your DW. And a successful marriage is all about compromise. You and your wife need to decide what those are.

Also, if your DW had loans with an outside entity, would you pay then? Or let her default? Frankly, this sounds like two men who are butting heads over differing ideologies.[/quote]

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