Reply to Tension with Wife's Family over Finances

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Lmao ok look I have another take. if her parents really cared about getting the money back for college, they would’ve documented it and made her sign it formally alongside a payment plan. At the same time, they probably would’ve agreed to pause the loan if she was a student again. I think it’s right that OP shouldn’t have to pay back this “loan” (which for all intents and purposes is really just a lesson in debt management), and the wife should just work it out with her parents without OP’s involvement or money.

I don’t see OP’s point about subsidizing though. You’re paying your own way for your own things on vacations. You have the option not to go. If the ILs complain you could be really blunt: we can’t currently afford it unless you pay for our flights and hotels.

For restaurants, you could lean in and force your FIL to itemize and not split 50/50 if you think it’s very unfair or lopsided. [/quote]

What do you think forcing someone to sign something like that does? Are they going to take her to court and sue her?[/quote]

DP. I mean, yes? If the parents expected to be paid back then everything should be done at an arms-length including the note. Leaving these things unclear is how people manipulate others. [/quote]

Do OP's elders have a contract with him to pay for everything as they age? I don't think they do so maybe wife should put her foot down on that. Who do they think they are asking the young to pay for the old?[/quote]

I know you think you are being clever but you are actually just supporting OP’s point. It is a healthy family dynamic where the elders support the youngers financially and the youngers help the elders later on if finances change. That reflects one normal course of economic resources and interdependence in an extended family. This isn’t the only possible way to do it, but it is one *reciprocal* arrangement that is morally supported and fair.

What the FIL did is no such thing. He neither engaged in an actual arms length transaction (which would have made everything clearer and more understandable and thus not manipulable later on); nor did he put reasonable parental limits on college costs; nor did he just do what the vast vast majority of parents fortunate enjoy to have the money would do (just pay for college). [/quote]

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