Reply to S/O: ‘The DIL is in the busiest chapter of her life; you have nothing to do’

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Reply to "S/O: ‘The DIL is in the busiest chapter of her life; you have nothing to do’"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They do get it. They've done it already.[/quote]

OP has a point, but I've also seen women here complain about the ILs overstepping by simply doing the dishes. Full on tantrum about MIL folding the laundry or vacuuming or the mere offer to help a postpartum DIL is a violation of boundaries. The ILs are in a lose - lose too. [/quote]

This and the fighting over who is "hosting" the holiday dinners. These martyrs want to take that burden on to their overflowing plates for whatever reason. They complain about doing it all, but then insist on doing it all. No wonder their husbands back off and sit on the couch, they complain about that too. Whatever happens, there will be complaints so why bother?[/quote]

I never got the fighting over hosting. It's a lot of work. I was happy to have my MIL and SIL do the big family dinners, bring the famiiy and a nice dish, then compliment the hosts for their hospitality. [/quote]

I also love to free load and take advantage of others’ need to host.  Personally I don’t have the energy or inclination to host anyone myself! [/quote]

So true!  I have to host everything (well "have to" is a strong word, I'm just the only one who is willing and able right now) but I am looking forward to my future freeloading days when I can just show up with my assigned dish and a bottle of wine. [/quote]

I genuinely love hosting, especially holidays like Thanksgiving and Eastern, as my spouse and I love cooking and entertaining. But neither my parents nor my ILs will travel to us for holidays so we either have to travel to them or spend them apart. The frustrating thing when we go to my ILs is that my MIL absolutely hates hosting. She wants us to visit, but she wants to put in zero effort. That would be okay with me for a regular visit, but it makes me deeply sad when it's, like, Thanksgiving. I don't really blame anyone but feel depressed about the situation because my options are (1) host at our house knowing it will be small with no extended family, (2) attend my parents Thanksgiving, which is great but requires a LOT of travel for us at the worst possible time to travel and is just not a relaxing or restful weekend at all because of the distance, or (3) go to MILs and wind up cooking most of the food anyway in a house that just doesn't feel festive or warm or inviting at all.

I always imagined that at this time in my life, I'd be hosting Thanksgiving every year for my immediate family as well as, at least some of the time, my parents and my ILs. That's what my mom was doing at my age, and my grandparents regularly traveled to our house for it, even though they all lived at least 3 states away -- my dad's mom would come for the full week, and sometimes she'd stay until Christmas and it was really nice to have her and get that extra time with my grandmother and I think she liked being there too. I was surprised and disappointed when I realized it would never be like that at our house. [/quote]

That's too bad but no one likes traveling at Thanksgiving. Your best bet is to choose a different time of year to have a get-together where you parents fly out to see you. [/quote]

Neither set likes to travel to us. My ILs just don't travel at all so that one doesn't bother me as much (though it's a bummer). My parents travel all the time but don't like visiting us. I am the least favored child and I was the last to have kids so I'm just not their priority. It is what it is.[/quote]

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