Reply to If you don't want sex, then shouldn't YOU be the one to leave and divorce?

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Reply to "If you don't want sex, then shouldn't YOU be the one to leave and divorce?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"And it will be a mistake to assume that spouse who does not want sex is low drive. They may just be tired of dealing with someone who is not meeting other non-sexual expectations and decide that using a vibrator is less drama."

Let's say this is true and we all agree. WTH does that person even want to remain married to someone who is not meeting other non-sexual expectations? The only reason (if kids are grown and flown) is to keep the financial spigot flowing. It sounds like most of these sex refusers are carrying tons of resentment and anger and they're merely tolerating their spouse and sticking around for reasons that have nothing to do with love and emotional partnership. Honor and cherish went out the window long ago. It's a fake marriage when you won't touch your spouse behind closed doors. So why not allow the spouse a hall pass? It costs you nothing since you clearly place zero value on your spouse's sexuality.

Just like adultery is grounds for someone not getting alimony in states like Virginia, maybe refusing to sleep with your spouse when there isn't a health problem should also bar you from getting a huge award from a judge when you divorce. It's usually the man who earns more and it's usually the wife who won't have sex. It really isn't fair that he's going to be stuck with years of paying alimony as the higher earner and lose half the assets if he divorces a woman who wants to live with him as if she were his sister and not his wife. Everyone saying that the spouse who doesn't like a sexless marriage should just divorce is forgetting that he is going to have his entire retirement plan turned upside down and that it's likely he's now too old (not enough working years left) to fully recover financially from this, especially if he has to plow money into alimony payments for the next several years. FWIW, I'm a woman.

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You mean their retirement plan right? Why did he marry a lower earning spouse if his retirement plan was so valuable that it would prevent him from divorcing when the marriage/ lack of sex is no longer worth it?

You are underestimating the power of women to adapt. If you give a woman oranges, she will make orange juice. If you give her lemons, she will make lemonade. She will be happy with either even though she preferred orange juice. She might be resentful for a while, but eventually she moves into acceptance. The way she sees the man will change. But it does not necessarily mean she hates him. It just...different. And this goes for relationships with friends as well. Unfortunately, different for a romantic relationship may mean less wet.

The magic in this is that women can reverse adapt too, if that makes sense. She does not forget how to make orange juice, so if you start giving her orange juice again, game on. And I have seen this happen to some relationships. In others the men sulk, and in others they leave. These are all valid options and outcomes. No one is chained to another human being.
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