Reply to If you don't want sex, then shouldn't YOU be the one to leave and divorce?

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Reply to "If you don't want sex, then shouldn't YOU be the one to leave and divorce?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband and I have a conflict over where we are going to live. I really want to leave our current city and move somewhere else. I have multiple reasons for this. He doesn't want to go. I can't make him.

It's frustrating, of course. I sometimes get upset with is immovability on this point, and I think his arguments for staying are weak. But I also recognize it's just part of who he is. Especially as he's gotten older, he doesn't like change. He used to be more adventurous and flexible, now he's more cautious and inflexible. It's frustrating but that is marriage sometimes, especially as you get older. In some ways we've grown closer together, but in this specific way we've grown further apart. It's something we're navigating.

If it ever got to the point where I just absolutely could not live here anymore, and he still wasn't willing to move, we could divorce. I'd really prefer not to, I want him to want to come with me. But if things really just got intolerable, I guess that's something we'd have to consider. I know he doesn't want to divorce either. But he also doesn't want to move. Ach, it's hard.

I guess I could propose for him a compromise, where I move away and he stays here. I couldn't afford a place elsewhere without selling our home here, but maybe I could find a man in another city who would be willing to buy a home with me. Not for sex, just for finances. Maybe a man who is in a similar situation to me -- loves his wife but wants to move and she just refuses. I could take half of the savings I have with my husband, and this guy could take half of the savings he has with his wife, and we could go in on a condo in Chicago or a little bungalow in Austin.

I mean, our spouses can't complain. We wouldn't be cheating on them -- it's totally non-sexual. And I really, really want to move. It's not fair for my husband to just refuse to move and then get mad when I find someone else willing to move instead, right? [/quote]

If he were mad enough and thought this arrangement is a deal breaker, he would either compromise and move or he would divorce. You are not chained together in marriage. Whoever thinks the situation is untenable and a deal breaker should file for divorce. If neither dies, then presumably both still find more value  in the marriage despite the issues.[/quote]

PP here and I agree with you, that was the point of the hypothetical. [/quote]

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