Reply to Is it normal not to love your elderly parent who is not abusive or mean?

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Reply to "Is it normal not to love your elderly parent who is not abusive or mean?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I somewhat relate, op. It sounds like you're longing for a connection that just isn't there right now. I've been there with my parents, wanting to feel a closeness that just doesn't come and then feeling a little defective.

A few thoughts from my experience, from doing some reading, and from working with a therapist:

Is it possible that in telling you about his past he's trying to connect? Maybe trying to explain a possible root to his shortcomings? Bullying can do a number on someone's psyche and taint their own relationships. He may be talking about that as he's trying to work something out about himself. Or maybe not.

Sometimes what sounds like someone playing the victim card or just dwelling in how the world has wronged them is longing to be heard, to find some empathy that they should have been given as a child but were not.

It's true, it's not your job to be his therapist. But I wonder what would happen if you said something very basic like "that sounds really hard." And then stop. See how he reacts to a little empathy. See how you feel saying that. In fact, try saying it out loud, right now. How does that make you feel? Can you say it to yourself, too? [/quote]

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