Reply to Any other women quiet quitting your marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous]Yeah, that PP is trying to mindf*ck you into doing your spouse's adulting for him.

It's codepedent to do for another adult what he can and should do for himself. Realizing you've been saddled with things that aren't your responsibility and then dropping the rope isn't passive aggressive, it's simply undoing an unhealthy dynamic.

I did the whole "virtuous cycle" and giving grace and assuming positive intent and sharing 5-6 positives for every critical thing I mentioned, and well, it didn't magically turn a manchild into an adult, and it didn't turn our marriage equitable. It just kept me stuck in an unhealthy dynamic.

And now I've got a 13 year old saying, "I thought if I gave him a grocery list he would actually BUY GROCERIES" because it's an actual problem with him. It wasn't me choosing to be resentful or choosing to keep score. If your partner is abdicating all adulting because you are there, it's not an issue of attitude.

I wish I had rejected that dynamic like OP is doing. Instead I just kept on practicing gratitude until he left me for another woman and then put all his issues on our children instead of me. Somehow he blamed them for not filling his stocking when he never asked me to and never filled mine when we were married. But somehow the children were supposed to anticipate that he wouldn't think to fill his own stocking and that an empty stocking would give him the sadz.

I had made my peace with the situation as a SAHM. Like at least if I was adulting for him, it was kind of my actual job. Watching him fail at everything is horrible (I did once love and choose to have kids with this man, and he's my children's father) but also, OMG, he really truly is that bad at doing anything that he doesn't want to do. It's really spectacular to watch.[/quote]

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