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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm okay with reciprocity. If I can dish it out, I can take it, and vice versa. I'd much rather have language than cheating, financial abuse, physical abuse, etc. I swear, so I'm okay with swearing.

I learned a long time ago to listen to the message and not the mess so I don't tone police people. They speak the way they speak, especially when they're angry. It's not even about me, so why take it personally? Someone who uses hot language when they're angry is angry. Someone who calls me a c*nt when they're just hanging around? That, I might walk away from. The only basis in that case is a foundational disrespect. But when angry? Language is a way to vent energy, and I can accept that.[/quote]

Ditto. And I learned long ago that the relationships where no one ever raises their voice ever are usually the most damaged. That’s the husband with a second family across town. The wife who is having an affair with a woman. 
[/quote]

That's a stupid stereotype some people like because it allows them to rationalize their bad behavior.  There are many marriages where neither partner insults or demeans the other, at all, ever.  Without having an affair or a second family.  These are not "the most damaged" relationships, trust me.  Expect better, of yourself and your supposed loved ones.[/quote]

I’m just telling you what I’ve seen, so not sure what you’re getting so hot about. Of course yelling is not ideal, but it’s also not the worst thing ever, and [b]expressing your feelings is normal and healthy[/b]. I’ve told my husband he’s being an ass a bunch of times, and to F off. He’s done similar a few times, and you know what? As long as we make up and talk things out, I’m ok with it and certainly don’t consider it abusive. I’m not scared of dh, the thought is laughable.  We both come from stereotypical fiesty ethnic backgrounds. I find your assumption that everyone has to be the same very parochial and myopic.

I’d much rather have dh tell me I’m being a B when he’s upset than for him to try to squash it down and let it smolder. And that seems to be what happens with many couples. [/quote]
If you can't express your feelings without yelling, name calling and general verbal abuse, [b]you are the problem[/b]. [/quote]

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