Reply to How to communicate to parents about reason of estrangement so they can stop the “we have no idea”?

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Reply to "How to communicate to parents about reason of estrangement so they can stop the “we have no idea”?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A five page letter of grievances sounds excessive, to be honest. Maybe they abused you, but it sounds more like you are a bit of a delicate flower. [/quote]

5 pages was sent because I thought if they kept saying they "have no idea" or "well, you must hate us", maybe they deserved to know, so let me open up and explain to them calmly why I felt so unimportant.  It was written with great care, with lots of loving expressions.  A letter I thought for sure would "clear any misunderstanding", and lead to greater relationship.  No, the letter was not sent to lash out, or for revenge, or attention, it was meant for reconciliation.  I also thought for sure they would get it this time, because I meant 100% well.  Well, I was wrong.  So stupid. [/quote]

You should have edited it and used bullet points. Otherwise it was probably a lot of hot air and had them rolling their eyes. [/quote]

Even so, loving parents would have responded with more than "well you must really hate us."  [b]Any grownup I have ever heard use that phrase was the emotional equivalent of a toddler. [/b]  It's not a reasonable response to any serious conversation.[/quote]

... says the "adult" advocating permanent silent treatment. Spare us.

I'm curious if you've ever been treated for mental illness? A lot of the feelings you're describing aren't valid and are your anxiety lying to you or similar. My guess is you got the "well, you must hate us" because they were exasperated because you kept saying things like "I feel worthless" or "I feel unimportant" and chose to blame them because looking inward is too hard. People say bad things when they're exasperated. It happens. But, you just apparently tacked it onto your ever-growing list of grudges. [/quote]

I wrote that but I am not OP.  OP's story has some holes, but if OP's parents really just responded "well you must hate us," something isn't right with them either.  Any adult I have ever heard use that phrase had issues.[/quote]

You've never said something wrong in the heat of exasperation? Or are you like the Greated Parent Ever poster?[/quote]

Of course I have said the wrong things at times.  IME, people who say "you must really hate us" are the same people who say things like "you're just being sensitive," etc.  [/quote]

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