Reply to I feel like I won the parenting wars

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have twins who also made it into elite universities (freshmen at Ivies) after some reasonably heavy and involved parenting and a lot of ups and downs in high school: lack of motivation from time-to-time, anxiety, ADHD for one, some drinking (no vaping). Basically super involved parents and some good, bad and ugly of teenage life.

I remember the relief of thinking "huh, we did it" but I'm hear to report that it all still continues in college: mood disorders, struggles with self-motivation (not with academics so far but in developing passions/interests), drinking, etc.  Sure they "made it" but in 2025, ATTENDING AN IVY is really not all that in and of itself.  It's probably a good launching point but the rat race only continues on.  For good internships, jobs, graduate schools the kids all need the top college grades, top clubs, top everything and a whole lot of self motivation and organization.

Relax, catch your breath and start crossing your fingers and praying.  That's what I'm doing.  I can't manage from afar so I hope it all works out. [/quote]

Yeah, I think we're where you were when you thought, "huh, we did it." Yes, LOTS of heavy parenting to get him into top school and I realize the race continues. Celebrating the last 6 months of senior year and summer.

In a way, drinking too much that first time and ending up in the hospital (that was us as parents overreacting) wasn't the worst thing. It opened up the discussion around drinking. Allowed us to set strict rules for senior year (no drinking, no vaping - with drug tests and checks). So I'm hoping it will help with what we all know can be a rough entry to college life.[/quote]

Holy crap, no drinking, no vaping with drug tests and checks?  Are you going to get an apartment near his college so you can keep tabs?

You have not won parenting.

I have a kid with anxiety and ADHD that has had lots of struggles that we worked through with her.  She is in at a top 10 ED.

She had a drinking event in 10th grade.  We talked it through (mostly focused on safety not judgment) and are a bit lucky that she did not enjoy it.  We also worked a lot on therapy, (executive functioning and for the anxiety).

I feel lucky that she and we were able to do the hard emotional work so that she does not feel the need to self medicate.

My DD knows that she cannot do any kind of substance and drive, she knows the rules if she chooses to drink or otherwise partake of substances, including staying with friend and keeping her own drinks close.  We trust her, she trusts us.

If you managed to eek out a good college acceptance and your student is not mature enough to live without close supervision I think it is time for some self reflection, not patting yourself t he back.[/quote]

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