Reply to DH wants to pay for his older sister’s intervention and inpatient rehab

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I get it and am sorry you are being put in this position. It is simply not fair to you to have to be "the bad guy" in not instantly and fully supporting your husband in supporting his sister.

Yes, it is sad that OP's SIL has such a terrible addiction. Yes, it may be true that due to a past accident the SIL has major struggles to no fault of her own. Yes, OP's husband is amazing in wanting to help his sibling. But what of OP? How is this awful situation at all fair to OP? Why must the OP be the one to sacrifice so greatly and to do so especially when she has no control over the situation.

The OP here has worked hard, saved hard and has certain goals for her and her immediate family's future. OP has made good choices in life and while it is not for us to judge whether SIL has made good choices (as SIL could have had some tough breaks), it is simply not fair for the OP to have to sidetrack or not reach any of her life goals in the service of the SIL. And it is certainly not fair of OP's husband to put her in this position. I am very sorry OP for this situation that you are now dealing with.[/quote]

SIL’s college was paid for by her parents.  No one, including DH, knows whether she actually graduated with a degree.  She did not work full-time before the accident either.  [/quote]

Why do you assume she is lazy?  Sounds like more going on here if she was unable to graduate or work full-time. [/quote]

She has no proof sister didn't graduate, just because her DH is a dumbass who never bothered to ask. [/quote]

Maybe there wasn't a graduation ceremony and OP assumes the degree may not have happened. I never attended mine but I definitely have a degree even though I don't display it. [/quote]

Does it even matter?  SIL has never worked and does not work want to work.  [/quote]

So why does OP mention it? Makes her sound petty. [/quote]

It’s consistent behavior that SIL has had her entire life.  Changing after age 50 and taking responsibility for herself is not likely.  [/quote]

It sounds like she has ADHD. [/quote]

Maybe.  Maybe not.  I’m not a health professional or her doctor, so can’t help her there.  [/quote]

A lot of people in that age group fell through the cracks because their parents did not have the knowledge and tools that existed since the millennials reached school-age. Gen X and earlier were labeled "hyper" or worse and ended up failing without family and educational support. I saw this first-hand with my brother (Gen X raised by Silent and Greatest Gen parents) vs. my nephew (millennial with doctor boomer parents) . Brother started struggling academically in middle school and never finished college, dropping out of a 4-year then private then community college despite being intelligent and socially adept. He was always late, procrastinated on papers and projects, failed to complete even mundane tasks, etc. He never was evaluated even as an adult because my parents didn't know better despite being college-educated themselves. He never married lived with them until they died a few years ago--a classic failure-to-launch. Nephew was able to graduate and has had a successful software career, married and just had a child. [/quote]

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