Reply to MIL cuts us off, then demands holiday access. Advice?

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Reply to "MIL cuts us off, then demands holiday access. Advice?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe just let her come and go as she pleases but don't give in to the drama. Don't change plans for her, don't make special plans for her, and don't act like it's a big deal if and when she shows up. She's seeking attention and to upend your lives . . . don't give her oxygen.[/quote]
During her “re-entry”, though, she acts like a wounded animal, cowering in corners and just acting generally uneasy, like someone may yell at her. It creates an incredibly uncomfortable situation, and my kids are old enough to pick up on the awkwardness. I don’t want every holiday to be shrouded in this tension. It’s not fair to them, or to us.

—OP[/quote]

Let her come over and be awkward. You continue to do you, and you don't give in to her attention-seeking behavior. She wants you to argue with you, she wants to control your emotions, she wants you to ask her what's wrong. Don't.[/quote]

This is who she is. If your kids ask about it, just respond breezily, "oh, you know grandma, she's often weird when we haven't seen her in a while. Just leave her be" and go about your day. [/quote]
But what does that look like when we are hosting just her? I feel obligated to sit with the family. What does “go about your day” look like in this instance, when she comes over (she’s local) and expects to celebrate the holiday? It feels rude to just leave the room, but I guess I don’t know what else to do!

—OP[/quote]

NP- oh, nooo no no. I think your main problem is the feeling like you need to sit in the living room with her while she pouts. No wonder you are miserable when she comes over for the holiday. You greet her, hang up her coat, ask if she’d like a drink or a snack, sit with her for 5 min, then get up and go about your day. Same for the whole family. I would make sure each kid sat with her for at least 5 min to chat, to be polite, but then they’d know they were free to move along and keep playing or reading or whatever. I’d invite her to join you with stuff- like decorating cookies in the kitchen or whatever- but I would never feel obligated to “sit and visit” silently and awkwardly for more than 5 minutes. [/quote]

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