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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As an older person this thread is horrifying.  Guess what - we’re all dying, and everyone’s best years are behind them.  So what?  Older people still have perspectives and wisdom to offer, if only people didn’t write us off immediately.[/quote]
No one is saying that.
My mom is 88. It has been a slow decline over the last 8 years. The last year it has ramped up.
She has been on oxygen for 10+ years. But with dementia, she forgets things about it. She has an in home oxygen concentrator and a portable on. There is no “refilling” it, but this week she was screaming at me that it needed to be refilled and I was trying to kill her by not refilling it.
Last week she was screaming at me because she could not understand what I was saying.
The week before she was screaming at me because she couldn’t figure out her phone.
She is in a tiny transitional apartment unit that provides all meals. And over the last month she has ordered $her 750 of junk from Amazon - more pots and pans, more plates and cups, more spoons and forks. A bug butcher block knife set.
She stopped caring for herself - throws trash on the floor, lays on the floor crying and screaming.
I try to reframe it like she’s a toddler and give compassion. But I am burned out and don’t enjoy being screamed at. 
This is the part of elder care we are referring to. There is no more advice and wisdom they can give once they have reverted to toddlers.
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I would disable Amazon (delete her card?) and rethink visitation. She is fed and has a place to live, don’t subject yourself to screaming [/quote]

Or she could be sympathetic and understand that decline is terrifying and also sometimes includes screaming, not voluntarily but because it's part of the disease of dementia.[/quote]

This response is so tone deaf. Does the poster have rights too? Maybe have some empathy for the person screamed at. Otherwise.... hey...You know that person who stabs you on the metro? You should be empathetic because that person likely had a hard life. What about the abusive spouse who screams at you after a bad day at work? Be sympathetic, it's hard having a stressful job. How about someone who robs you? They probably don't have money.

OP has a right to boundaries. You can make sure a parent has proper care and not accept abuse. No need to excuse it. No need to find deep empathy. You just make sure the person has care, but do not set yourself on fire to keep the person warm.[/quote]

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