Reply to Discovering Affair 10 Years After The Fact

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.[/quote]

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

[/quote]

+1[/quote]
agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost. [/quote]

Shame their husbands aren’t going to get their own chance to decide whether or not they want to continue the marriage under those circumstances.  That level of dishonesty is IMO worse than the cheating itself, and much harder to forgive if it ever comes out. I just don’t understand how people can claim to love someone while keeping that kind of secret from them. [/quote]

Exactly. It’s all about me me me, making sure my life is the way I want, and limiting the possible consequences to me. Utterly selfish. Just what you expect from someone who cheated, it’s the kind of attitude that led to cheating in the first place.[/quote]

Well, I wouldn’t quite go that far, but it does seem pretty convenient — all that stuff about becoming a better spouse and doing work in therapy and carrying that shame or whatever, but still somehow taking the path that is clearly in their own best interest.  I assume they know, but choose not to act on, the fact that their husbands might well choose to leave if they knew the truth. [/quote]

Mine was in weekly therapy for the entirety of the affair, never said a word to their therapist, pure performance. Remember when Dr. Melfi said that treating criminals was a waste of time because all they were doing was practicing?  well that’s my bride![/quote]

Hope she’s still not your bride ![/quote]

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