Reply to Discovering Affair 10 Years After The Fact

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is literally no such thing as a woman that cheated just once. They cheat or they don't. If they cheat, they sleep with lots.[/quote]

Not true because I’m one of them.

Really there are people out there who have a brief affair, regret it and never do it again.

[/quote]

+1[/quote]
agree. It's awful, but two of my close friends made a mistake, got themselves into therapy, and worked through it on their own. Both managed to keep it undiscovered (so far, but it'd be very hard for it to come out now at least for one) and they became better spouses through a lot of hard work. One was enduring intense grief after a loss, the other dealing with a rough patch and opportunity landed in her lap. They both feel a great deal of shame and realize what they almost lost. [/quote]

Shame their husbands aren’t going to get their own chance to decide whether or not they want to continue the marriage under those circumstances.  That level of dishonesty is IMO worse than the cheating itself, and much harder to forgive if it ever comes out. I just don’t understand how people can claim to love someone while keeping that kind of secret from them. [/quote]
You know, I think it’s interesting to assume their DHs haven’t cheated. Life is long and many many people make mistakes. I told my DH if he ever cheated and it didn’t mean anything to him, I wouldn’t want to know. We have kids and have built a great life. I would have to leave. It was not said in an “I give you permission” way, but a “if this happens and I find out you are cooked” way. There’s too much black and white thinking about infidelity in our culture. As I heard someone say, if you have a one night stand once or twice in a 50 year marriage, you’re still pretty good at monogamy. Much better than someone who’s been married and divorced twice. [/quote]

I get it loyalish is good enough for you and you communicated that sentiment.

I am a bit different, my commitments are kept.  If I have to adjust definitions of words or hide things from my wife, the entire commitment would fall apart.[/quote]

This 
PP already knows her man has stepped out… Eww [/quote]

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