Reply to Feeling like I'm the spouse who is always "on" and keeping things in order

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At your wits end ~ does he make more money than you? You accept the imbalance. In some things, only the things that are actually important to you. He forget/doesn't pay attention to: his clothes, what he has available to eat, his things -- that's on him.

For one year, I was spent. Had zero energy for any more holiday prep. Gave the family notice, plenty of notice -- there won't be a Christmas tree this year unless you do it. Without me. For some reason the tree was a major stressor (for me). They believed me. And did it all.[/quote]

I remember doing this one. End result was there was no tree and no holiday prep at all. Helped me to realize that no one cared about this stuff enough to do it, so we no longer do any of it. It’s much easier.[/quote]

We didn’t have Thanksgiving last year because mine insisted I should relax and he could handle it and I was being ridiculous by insisting we needed to make a list by the Saturday before, then the Sunday before, then Tuesday night…you see where this is going And then it evolved into him deciding there would be some kind of alternative anti-Thanksgiving meal and he’d order a pizza. And then the day of he realized no pizza place by us was open, so he reheated chili from the freezer and a small frozen pizza and the kids all went to their rooms to read because it was so sad they didn’t even want to watch a movie.[/quote]

My god. What did he say about it all? What did you say to him?[/quote]

I didn't say anything. It was the beginning of a major mental health break/midlife crisis for him that culminated him in leaving us. My life is really difficult now but my mental load is now minimal. I feel like I went from having 5-6 kids to the 3 I actually have, so at least the parenting part of my life is easier.

We've already decorated for Thanksgiving and are going to friends' next week and the kids are planning crafts to do with the little kids who will be there. It turns out that half the fun is anticipating and planning for a holiday.[/quote]

Start strong PP, sorry he mentally snapped and left. He was clearly at his cap of adulting. [/quote]

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