Reply to Feeling like I'm the spouse who is always "on" and keeping things in order

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Reply to "Feeling like I'm the spouse who is always "on" and keeping things in order"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, thanks for all the feedback on this. I do understand the need to communicate better, but why oh why can't he notice the obvious, like the rotting food in the fridge or the dishes left on the kitchen table all night. I mean, this is his home, too. I have to remind our kid to pick up stuff or clean up his mess because he's, well, a child. But why does a 45 year old man need to be told to initiate a simple action like throwing out the old take-out HE left in the fridge two weeks ago? It's HIS. Are his eyes literally unable to detect the container of festering food on the second shelf? [/quote]

Let me help you out - he doesn't care. He doesn't care about moldy food in the fridge. YOU care, so you see it, and you do something about it. He. Does. Not. Care.

I'm not saying he's right about not caring, it's just a fact, it's who he is. You can spend the rest of your life banging your head against the wall and being upset that he doesn't care, but it isn't going to make him care.

I don't envy your situation at all and I have immense sympathy for you, but I just think you need to change your mindset. You think you both see the food and realize it needs to be thrown away but in reality, the food just isn't there to him. He doesn't see it. He doesn't care about it.

I couldn't tell you if I tried whether our landscaping is doing well. If there's a dead tree, I have no idea. If there is a hole where a bush was pulled up and something needs to be planted there, I couldn't tell you that. I simply do not care, so I am completely blind when it comes to looking at the landscaping. If my husband were to be upset with me for not caring that we have a missing bush, he's be barking up the wrong tree. Pun intended.

Maybe this will help you, I hope it does. I don't think your situation is hopeless, I just think you need to acknowledge who he is, consider what things you may be able to change, and then decide if you can live with it or not. But trying to make him care is something you need to reserve for the really important items (ones related to your child and your marriage). Let the takeout food go. [/quote]

I doubt your examples of how ignorant you are and how ignorant your spouse is helps anything here. Sounds like a culture of mediocrity and passiveness. Enjoy. Ignorance is bliss! [/quote]

I don't really care if you find my post helpful or not. I'm not ignorant and neither is my spouse. Not caring about landscaping doesn't make me a loser. I'm actually quite Type A and our house is in excellent shape, we eat well, our laundry is done regularly, etc. Neither my husband nor I have ever been accused of being mediocre or passive. [/quote]

You dont care about many things because you are mind blind.

You dont care if your dead tree branch over the road falls over.

Your husband doesn’t care if moldy or infected food in your fridge gets someone ill.

And you clearly take pride in not caring about societal norms or what people or the law think.

That’s called mind blindness and lack of empathy, ie the ability to see two different views on the same topic. Many would indeed also call basic stuff like that ignorance, deliberate and/or involuntary. [/quote]

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