Reply to Feeling like I'm the spouse who is always "on" and keeping things in order

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does anyone have advice for a chronic pile-er? It’s not just the piles but they symbolize the mentally that I struggle with so much. Kids put a ton of stuff on the kitchen counter? Pile it into a tall stack and you’re done! If you are doing this in preparation for company shove the whole thing in a random cabinet. I only recently realized that he thinks this is actually cleaning. I thought he was doing it when he panicked. But I have been asking him to stop because it’s literally more work for me to find the pile and go through it to find the homework worksheet our kid needs. Meanwhile there are random pots and pans still sitting out. But he just keeps doing it anyway. Like another PP we moved recently and despite me doing 90 percent of the packing up there were boxes of crap that got transported and were largely trash but with like one of the kids favorite toys randomly shoved in. We still have boxes in our room that need to be dealt with. I definitely feel like there are horder tendencies at play because he’s so adverse to throwing anything out and it really scares me. [/quote]

I'm attic closet PP. I think there's a mental health component to the piling. Whatever strategies a person with a typically developed brain might use to overcome mess and develop systems for daily living and organization aren't going to be effective in overcoming different brain wiring that occurred during childhood and adolescence and possible chemical imbalances. I don't have the answer; I think it's a version of hoarding controlled within a smaller footprint but is at its root no different from the kind of hoarding you see in those shows where stuff is avalanching down on people. [/quote]

My admittedly limited understanding is that this can be a version of OCD.  When doing a task perfectly seems difficult, if not impossible, the inclination is to procrastinate because then perfection is still a future possibility.  In my experience, you can't teach, fix, argue or threaten these folks into different behavior.  You can control your own behavior but not theirs.[/quote]

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