Reply to Waiving child support for primary custody

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think this is a bad idea and sounds like he is trying to get you to accept less money in order to have a custody arrangement that just makes sense. Is he really going to drive them from another county to go to school? Or is he threatening to pull them from their current school to also get you to accept less in child support? If you're the parent living in the child's current school district you have reasonable odds  of getting what you want without giving up more money.

Think long and hard about the consequences of giving up more than you or your kids deserve in terms of money. I'm currently in my 50s caring for my mother in her 80s and she's running out of money...I just realized all along my mom could have claimed a portion of my dad's social security benefits, but never did. My mom also focused on getting full custody and didn't ask for a portion of his retirement savings either. She's been fine but has been tight on money her whole retirement because she didn't start saving for retirement until after their divorce when she was in her 40s. Just don't leave money you're entitled to on the table while you're also taking on more of the child care burden as well![/quote]

How is she taking on more of the child care burden? Why does she deserve it? Dad is actively involved and spending considerable time each week with the kids. He is working full time and his weekends are entirely spent with the kids. He could have the kids 3 nights a week if he drives them to school Monday morning. OP is working full time and has her weekends free. Given most attorneys work fairly long hours, the amount of time she is spending with her kids each day is likely only a few hours.  Dad may be doing a lot more running around, extracurriculars, getting what they need during the weekend than mom is before or after school.

This whole he is a man - stick it to him, try to get as much as you can out of him, he should be paying for everything, treat him badly, mentality on this thread is sad. So many people let their sexist views drive their decision making.[/quote]
Why should he get all the weekends and none of the sick days or doctors appts or soccer practices? You’re insane if you think that people wanting a fair split are “sticking it” to him because he’s a man.[/quote]

You need to go into the threads where women are complaining about the weekend and not having help or their husband being away and reiterate your view that weekends are nothing but bliss and fun and are not 'real' parenting. You must think those women are just absolutely pathetic - why would they need or want any help on a weekend when they don't have to parent and they should simply love every minute of being a mom who can spend the weekend playing and having fun.[/quote]

Here’s the thing. Most men DO NOT CARE, and certainly not enough to DO ANYTHING about it.
They don’t care if their kid doesn’t do anything on the weekends, what program they play for, what school program they’re in, what friends they have or don’t have, what team they make, if they study or not, if they eat decent foods or not. They just don’t care. Usually because some other adult around does care and take action.

They just want to be left alone, leave everyone else alone, and called a Good Dad. [/quote]

What are you talking about?  Why are you so hostile to men?  I hope you don't have sons.  Most men do care and are good husbands and fathers.  Most men do [b]take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to the doctor, activities[/b] and more.  Just because you married a dud doesn't mean all men are that way.  Stop the men and dad hate.  And, pick a better man next time.[/quote]

You talking about my Uber driver?

Don’t conflate parenting with a task rabbit someone else has to direct and remind.[/quote]

It’s called parenting.  You may use uber but some of us actually drive our own kids.  How can you not consider that parenting.[/quote]

Omg.

How did you know your kid needed to be somewhere with something!??

How did said kid even get signed up or select or try out for that thing!?!?

Why’d you pick that activity and that program?!? Who picked it and why and how?!

Are you happy with that program? Do you know your options or next steps!?! [/quote]

In our home, both parents manage everything.  We divide and conquer and coordinate with each other to make it work.

We have a shared calendar so we all know each other's schedules.  We talk about the activities and one of us does the sign up.  We talk about doctors and other appointments and coordinate who will sign up/who will take.

And, with little ones, I or we both picked activities.  With teens, they've been in activities for years and if they want new ones, they tell us and often sign up themselves after asking us permission.

Really, it's not that hard.  It's called communication.  Shared calendar, text, email, talk in person....

OP has a nanny who probably handles most everything.[/quote]

Hopefully the nanny or a paid secretary puts everything in the family calendar too.

I can’t remember the last year my husband put anything in the family google calendar despite once in awhile asking when something was and him receiving every email. [/quote]

We can see why you cannot competent.  No we both do it.  We both do everything.  He’ll even take me to the doctor stay home when I am sick.  It takes two two make it work and if you tore him down and refused to let him do things no wonder he gave up.

Does your nanny or secretary do that?  We have never had a nanny, babysitter, housekeeper, Gardner or any other help.  If you do stop complaining you do it all when you don’t. [/quote]

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