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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Biggest red flags in dating"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]for me, if a woman is angry or can't cover her bills or expect you to pay every time. [/quote] which bills?[/quote] Her own bills or pay her share if you are living together or anything. One of the other turn-offs are when women expect men to pay for everything not because he love or care about you but because they are supposed to do that. Really? Most of these gold diggers do end up alone or just move from one sucker to another. [/quote] I'd rather pay an escort for sex than pay a gold digger.[/quote] Isn’t it essentially the same ? And how valid are these male concerns about women paying for themselves ? All women I know are married work and contribute all their salaries into joint big pot. From that joint pot families cover joint expenses At the stage of daring when men aren’t really committing to anything long term and could be test driving several women there is non point for the woman to pay. No joint expenses, no future investment plans etc. I pay my own bills as a single woman (apartment, car, my solo travel, food etc) and support my child. Before any man joins my life with a joint budget - he’s planning and paying for dates. The only thing there I would contribute with someone I don’t live with is expensive joint travel [/quote] This probably dramatically reduces your dating pool. It’s also a very antagonistic stance. I know someone who says the same, so I know it’s not just you, though. It does seem to me to be a kind of self-protective hostility. [/quote] My friends who aren't married have this stance and I haven't seen it impacting their dating pool. They have more guys asking them for dates than they can fit in. But they are also pretty and thin so it works for them.[/quote] I mean I can see this for the first few dates, but it boggles the mind to think of it continuing past the early dating stage unless there is a massive income differential and the man wants to do fancy things only. Even then I can’t figure out how a grown woman would think it was appropriate to literally never pick and activity and pay for it. Like you never say “let’s see this movie, I’ll get the tickets”? [/quote] I only start contributing after he asked for exclusivity, introduced me to family and friends. Why they heck I would be inviting for dates a guy who might be dating several other women? Of course they invite me, and I have no deficit of men wanting to ask me out. Dating different people usually goes for 3-6 months and then we either part ways or become exclusive. Once exclusive, and he officially becomes my BF I will start contributing with small things: get him small items for the kitchen for us to cook together; invite for a workout to my gym; grab coffee to go, get him a scarf in winter, cook him dinner. E.g small gestures that show my affection and care for him. If the man wants to move to something serious like living together then we would need to discuss joint budget and expenses. Before that I don't even know what they make and don't disclose how much I make. I usually do date upper SEC men, so it's not an issue for them to cover dates for a few months. [/quote] That would be a hard no for me. I could afford to do this, but I have no interest in doing so. I don’t mind paying for the first 2-3 dates (although I don’t think men should necessarily have to do this) but once we get past the very initial stage, I expect the person I am dating to contribute. It doesn’t have to be 50-50, especially if there is an income disparity. She could pick up movie tickets after I get dinner. Or she could make dinner if going out was too expensive. [/quote] Do you date multiple women at the same time? After 2-3 dates with one of them, do you expect her to invite her and yet continue paying for all other women? [/quote] We wouldn’t be exclusive after a couple of dates so I would assume she is also seeing other people. I’m also not sure how that factors into who is paying/contributing.[/quote] Your assumption is wrong: women in general are way less promiscuous as men. Most women don't sleep with a man unless they see a relationship potential. Women are monogamous. She's likely just sleeping with one man at a time and chatting with other guys online and doing coffee dates, while you decide So this is the answer. I won't be paying for ANY man anything until we discussed finances and became exclusive (at his request). Dates don't need to be expensive. When dating multiple people usually they see me once or twice a week. If he's unable to cover the cost of basic drinks at a bar once a week, our invite me to a cheap jazz club, or if it takes him more than 2 months to decide on exclusivity - I'm just not a good match for him. Most relationships like that end at second-third month for that reason, not for financial reasons; the men juggle multiple women. Those men who want to be serious, start touching base on exclusivity in 4-5 dates and 2-3 nights together. They begin including me in activities with their friends, co-workers, plan a weekend together. So the timeline of me beginning financially contributing is much shorter. [/quote] so, you want to be used as a test drive and then decide to contribute? You are already setting base as not equal in relationship and he would always have an upper hand. [/quote] Not at all. Men value those women in whom they are invested the most - with their time, money, emotions. I’m highly educated and truly an equal to most educated men. It’s clear from the start to them what I would bring to table [/quote]
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