Reply to How do I handle questions and judgment about not working when the real reason is private?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m a SAHM, but as my kids get older, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to know what to say when people, both new acquaintances and old friends, ask about what I “do” or why I’m not working.

The reason I stay home is that one of my children has invisible medical issues. They’re private, and we’ve chosen not to share details because it’s her story, and as a teen she’s made it clear she doesn’t want that information public, so we are glad we never shared. When she was younger, her care required frequent appointments and unpredictable complications, so staying home made sense. Things have improved, but the needs still exist, so I’m not sure when or if I’ll return to work.

We’re not struggling financially, but we’re definitely behind compared to families with two incomes. People sometimes point that out, or comment on what they’re able to afford with a double income, and it’s awkward and intrusive. I’ve thought about just making up a “socially acceptable” answer, like saying I volunteer or help aging parents, but I don’t want to lie in case those relationships deepen, because they have in the past, and the truth comes out.

I also can’t say, “I stay home because of private medical issues,” because that invites speculation my child doesn’t deserve. But as my youngest is now 14, I feel like the judgment keeps increasing, especially in this economy. It’s hard not to internalize it when people directly ask, “What do you do all day?” or make comments implying I’m lazy or privileged.

So I’m asking for advice: How would you handle questions like this gracefully when the real reason is private and sensitive?

What kind of answer would make you back off and respect my boundaries without prying further?[/quote]

Why do you care about the opinions of others so much? Just say this arrangement works best for you family and leave it at that. My DCs are in middle and high school now, and I have no intention of going back to work because at this point DH’s income would be 6-8x mine, so it doesn’t make sense for our family for me to work. [b]I have many hobbies, including ones that directly benefit our family such as cooking elaborate and healthy meals or planning enriching international trips that expose and educate my kids about the world, etc.[/b] I have zero concerns that someone might be judging me as privileged while I am enjoying my life and our family is thriving. It’s their problem, not mine ;) 
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 :lol: [/quote]

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