Reply to Been divorced 5 years; ex sent text last night expressing regret

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would tell them that there was definitely hope for us to get back together if he moved back to our state and got counseling.

I would have him move back to your state get extreme counseling. As soon as he had enough counseling to reunite him and the child, I would say if he could learn to be a better father to your child that you might get back together.

A minimum of a year of therapy for himself and then a following year of him being a good father to your child that would be two full years of him being away from the affair partner and in counseling I would tell them that then I could get back together.

And then I would never get back together with him at all, but I would have tricked him into getting therapy and being a good father.

And if you think I haven’t done something similar to my ex you’re wrong.

He did four years of therapy and he’s turned out to be a wonderful person a great father and he has a really nice new girlfriend. I wouldn’t change it for anything.[/quote]

I know that’s what you believe, but absent the type of mental health condition that responds to medical treatment (bipolar meds or SSRI) forcing people into “counseling” generally does not work. And OP doesn’t actually want this guy near her kid at the end of the day. Having him relocate and pretend to be happy family means he could then make the legal case for getting back custody. Everyone in this scenario is better off with this dude staying where he is. What he did was unforgivable and indicates not some kind of mental health issue that needs “counseling” but a deep, deep failure of character. [/quote]

Op here. My fabulous attorney advised that was the best case scenario. She was correct.

Kid is ok and we are bumping along. This text changes nothing. Actions vs words.

Ex didn’t show up to several court hearings and left the final judgement hearing early as I was granted the divorce on grounds of adultery on his part. He had countered that I was committing adultery but had no evidence as I was not. He was. My attorney had advised to retain a PI in the state he was living with his AP, and we had the proof.

Note: I would not have hired a PI without my attorney’s advice. She said do it. The first guy I hired was an absolute clown. The second was legit. We didn’t need to go through all that, at all. I was looking out for my financial future and for the security of our kid.

Don’t stay in a relationship with a cheater. [/quote]

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