Reply to Tell Me Not To Message Her Mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I came home to a distraught, heartbroken, 17 year old son last night. He found out his gf of 9 months actually had 2 other boyfriends. Besides having him screened for STDs, my first thought is to message the mom and let he know what a skanky little POS her daughter is. I'd use polite language of course, but even still there's a part of me that thinks theres no way of doing it without looking a bit crazy.

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I think the conversation that you need to have with your 17 YO son is, first empathy and sympathy (yes, we've all been there) and second, why it's a mistake to get sexually involved at this age. How devasting for a teen to have to have an STD test.[/quote]

Holy moly! It’s not a mistake to get sexually involved at 17 - it’s normal human behavior. Yes, use a condom to prevent STDs. Yes, both parties should use birth control and have discussed emergency contraception and abortion as back up plans in case of unplanned pregnancy (or should know that a partner would choose to carry to term instead of emergency contraception or abortion.)

Also. It’s not “devastating” to have to get an STD test. A bit of a bummer, maybe, but not devastating.  Get over yourself.

As for OP, don’t call the girl’s mom. When you slut-shame, you are also shaming your own son impliedly. He loved his girlfriend and when you slut-shame you are implying that the person he loved was actually worthless thus also calling into question his basic judgement in selecting relationships - way to send him off into adulthood with some enormous baggage.

Instead, just empathize. It’s disappointing to have a relationship that breaks up, but is is part of learning what one wants in a relationship and how to communicate about that. Validate your son’s desire to have a monogamous, deeper, longer relationship without slut-shaming people who choose non-monogamy and shorter relationships, both of which are perfectly legitimate choices. Also validate your son’s desire to have a partner who is honest. It’s unfair to lie about monogamy, and part of learning to be an adult is learning how to restrain one’s impulses and communicate honestly and kindly when things aren’t working out.  At his age, these are lessons people are still learning.[/quote]

+1.  This is good advice.  There are some lessons learned for your son, OP.  But shaming his former gf, calling her mother, etc. is not going to help your son and is a really inappropriate way to deal with this.  [/quote]

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