Reply to How common is it to regret getting a divorce?

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Reply to "How common is it to regret getting a divorce?"

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[quote=Anonymous]My stbx blindsided me, and I was really devastated, but a year later I realize that it was the end of my suffering, not the beginning of it. I never had peace and a feeling of safety with him because he's unreliable and emotionally immature (and more specifically, a cheater with a drinking problem).

And I can't say this doesn't make a difference . . . I have gotten a good amount of lifetime alimony and an acceptable splitting of the assets (we should have had more, but he's terrible with money, and now I can invest properly on my own). So I didn't lose anything I couldn't replicate with a box of vibrators, lol. And when I'm ready, I will enjoy dating, knowing that I just need a honest friend for regular romps and not much else.

Will he regret it? I don't know, at this point I don't really care. Everything is turning up roses for me, and he's had plenty of chaos and drama since he left me, mainly because he didn't realize how much I headed off and shielded him from. But he is blessed with the ability to ignore his own role in things and give himself credit that isn't due, so I'm not expecting much introspection from him. And that's fine. Life is too short and precious for me to worry about that. Healing means reaching a mix of indifference and polite amicability and I'm getting there.

I suspect that whether you regret your divorce has a lot to do with how you view all major decision making in your life. My stbx left me for another woman, and I've become chummy with her now ex-husband. He is very hung up on choosing wrong when it came to marriage. If only he hadn't chosen her, if only he had been more patient, if only he hadn't felt bad when she was so upset when he tried to dump her, etc etc. Because he's still bargaining with the pain and the loss of his vision for his life. I'm not generally a decision-regretter, because I am a careful and well-meaning person, and if I had imperfect information or I gave somebody too many chances, I know I was doing my best, and there's no way to avoid pain or loss in life. I try to practice gratitude and focus on the joy that I do have in my life, rather than the things that didn't work out.

I didn't want the marriage to end, but I have my dignity and I wasn't going to beg a dumb cheater to stay with me. I know I did my best, and there are plenty of people who would love me, and most of them would probably be a step up from my ex. So it's all good.[/quote]

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