Reply to past sexual history and financial status

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Financial history a definite yes. If someone has zero savings and huge credit card debt that’s a big issue because it could really affect me going forward. [b]Sexual history is in the past. Don’t ask don’t tell.[/b] [/quote]

People who think like this are women.  No guy would be proud that his wife to be slept with 50+ guys prior to marrying him.  The past does matter for both men and women.  Two people who are about to get married should be an open book, and nothing is off limit.[/quote]

I think most guys could tell if a woman had slept with 50+ guys or even 20+. In a relationship you definitely pick up signals about someones college and post college party life. If you meet her in a bar and sleep with her that night that's a clue....for her as well! [/quote]

Yeah, there’s some nuance here.  I think most men are ultimately pretty flexible on the body count issue, but there are some circumstances where it creates problems.  I mean, if you have a super intense sexual connection with somebody, it’s easy to not care—i seriously dated someone with a pretty high number once, we’d discussed that early on (not that I make a practice of pressing for detail on that issue, but it kind of organically often comes up in the “getting to know you stage”—I mean, its not like you have to be the Taliban Morality Police to be curious about someone’s past, I think its natural when you have a strong connection to want to know all about them), but because of the intensity of our connection it was a non-issue. I think when guys get hung up on the body count issue, it’s because there’s an underlying problem with that part of the relationship and the “number” issue is just the way it gets expressed.  But this idea that it’s totally off-limits makes no sense to me—someone who has slept with 50 people definitely has a different relationship to sexuality than someone who has slept with 4, and its an important fact about that person when you are thinking about entering a permanent exclusive relationship.  And its better to be transparent, things have a way of coming to light and its a very different conversation if there is a sense of misleading or deception involved.[/quote]

It’s okay of course to feel that way about sexually loose people. But few men would tell honestly they were participating in sex parties in college when dating a woman seriously. So I try to exercise my own best  judgement about their behavior when dating me.

And overall the dating culture where people first date non-exclusively implies that everyone has several partners when starting a relationship. Men themselves don’t go exclusive right away before having sex.

It’s totally unreasonable and unrealistic  to expect women to have low body count in this culture .

All these people are dating someone.

I would say a body count for a woman who just dates to find a monogamous relationship of 2-3 a year between longer relationships is totally normal . That would add up easily to couple dozens in a lifetime . Not everyone ends up married

I had 2 partners between ages 21-45 because I married my second BF. By 47 I had 9, with post divorce dating. I do need sex 
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