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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I agree it wasn't a great example. I actually changed details because I didn't want to use the real comments on here in case people who were there read it. I didn't realize we were going to get into an argument about whether North Face is high end, lol.

In context, the second kid was definitely making a point about how his possession was higher end and therefore better. He wasn't being literal -- he was offended that his friend had indicated that they had "matching" possessions because the brand/cost was important to the second kid. Several people present cringed, not just me, but the parents just smiled. I thought it was weird.

Kids are late elementary.

I'm trying to think of other examples. I've seen kids make comments about travel sports versus rec. I met a kid recently who made a big deal about taking ballet at the WSB instead of a smaller studio. I've heard kids brag about vacations. Their parents cars.

To be clear, I've also heard my kids make comments like this. I do not tolerate it. If my kid says something like this, I say something immediately about how the difference they might be highlighting doesn't matter, or I go out of my way to compliment the other kid or ask about their activity or whatever. I don't put my kid down or yell at them, but I course correct and show them how to be inclusive and kind. I am surprised when parents are silent in these moments. It comes off as tacit acceptance of the behavior. I think sometimes the kids don't realize it's rude, but that's all the more reason to do something. I don't want my kids becoming the kind of adults who do this kind of thing.[/quote]

I’ve definitely heard kids say it about rec v travel sports. My dd told me one of the boys in her middle school gym class was outraged that he lost a 3-on-3 PE soccer game to her and her 2 rec-playing friends bc he played “actual, real, travel soccer.” We had a good laugh about it and I made sure she understood what a racket the pay to play travel sports industry is. [/quote]

I have a rising 9th grader. He plays basketball and trying to make the freshmen team this winter. He played travel and AAU. I think only 15 boys will make the team and my kid may not even make it. I don’t think classifying a kid as rec or travel is meant to be negative. My kids play tennis and they will ask UTR. My daughter dances, but not competitively. I have had moms ask, basically trying to gauge how good of a dancer my daughter is. I don’t feel bad at all that my DD is not a competitive dancer.

I think the people who feel bad are the ones who are insecure. My kids don’t feel bad wearing the same thing over and over again or playing rec soccer or non competitive dance. When my basketball son tried out for basketball and didn’t make a team, he felt bad. I did not think better players were being snobby. They were just better players/[/quote]

But the question is not about whether people are raising insecure kids. It's about rudeness.

Yes, a kid who feels bad when another child points out his jacket isn't the right brand, or he's doing rec not travel, is probably insecure. That is an issue that he and his parents probably need to work on.

But a child who goes out if their way to point out differences like this, or worse, teases or criticizes kids over these differences, is rude. It's rude whether the other kid feels bad or not.

Manners is largely about being respectful and kind towards others. If your words and actions evoke insecurity, shame, or embarrassment in others, you have poor manners.[/quote]

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