Reply to You love your parent but are you upset they are still alive?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hope my mom passes soon. She has dementia, is incontinent, has significant mobility issues, makes no sense most of the time, and no longer enjoys going out, or even when I come by (multiple times a week), she barely can interact in a meaningful way so I basically come for 15 minutes, bright my daughter yesterday and my mom barely registers her. she can’t read, follow tv, use a phone, enjoy music, or wipe her own butt.  She is a prisoner in her own mind. She never ever wanted this.  The next stages are no language, no recognition of me (she recognized me but can’t always say that I’m her daughter just knows my name), essentially wheelchair/ bed bound and feeding by ensure. [/quote]

[b]Im in the same boat but after 8 1/2 years of being the only sibling nearby while one sibling comes once a year for a day and the other sibling never visits I have given up.[/b]

My mother is in the same condition and I now visit every other month. My kids are in high school and I just came to a pony I didn’t want to lose more time with them.

My kids, husband, and I have spent countless hours looking for things she has hidden or can’t find such as her phon, keys, remote control, wallet etc. she is in an assisted living place and they being her meals to her apartment and check on her 2-3 times a day. It takes a 1-2 hours for her to get ready so even stoping by saying let’s go to do an errand or to a medial appt takes so much time.

And she has always had an edge and been critical. I rarely make my kids go over theye because she always mentions how one has gained weight and has other snide comments for the other one as well as myself.

She never took care of her parents or grandparents but was quick to critique my aunt who did take care of my grandmother for the last 10 years of her life.

The best thing I did was at the start jf the school year I prioritized myself, husband and kids and stopped visiting. I was so burned out stopping by after working full time. Because in the end I realized it didn’t matter. She doesn’t remember if I go over there or not. Essentially she had already died and she is just a shell of herself. It’s just so cruel how people are forced to live with ending stages of dementia. [/quote]

I think we constantly hear these stories of how only one sibling shoulders all the burden because that’s exactly who has a complaint.  We never hear about the numerous siblings who cooperate with each other and share the burden equally.  When you have equal burden sharing between 2-3-4-more siblings, taking care of a much-loved parent with dementia can feel more like a gift, not just to the parent but to the caregiver.  I will always treasure these years with my parent in her home, even if she lives another decade and dies at 100.  It helps that she has a very fat widow’s pension so we can throw money at every difficulty.[/quote]

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